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female
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anonymous
writes: My BF was phyiscally and emotionally abused as well as neglected as a child by his mum's BF (he has also suggested it was sexual but not actually said it out loud). His mum knew and done nothing.As a result he went to live with his aunt. While his mum remained (and still does) with her BF. That was 25 years ago. He still cries about it now, and is extremely resentful towards his mum, while having and intese hatred towards her BF. He is insecure and often needy. He says he wants his mum to admit what happened and say sorry. I doubt this will make the pain go away, but maybe a start at least. I know he needs to get help but should it be counselling or a professional therapist? If I can get him to go, the last thing I want is for it to be to the wrong practitioner, so he feels rejected and unlistened to again. But I guess my first problem is getting him to go. He knows he has to talk and talks to me, but I know I cannot help in him the way he needs. We have been together 5 years and I cannot watch him cry himself to sleep anymore and comtemplate suicide while he slowly destroys himself. And what about his mum? Is it a good idea for her to be part of his 'recovery'? He desperately grieves for her (his childhood?), but often says it is too late for her to say sorry now. Any advice ?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2005): Yes, he needs professional counseling, and you need to back away from him until he gets that help, and becomes able to function normally. He is carrying a lot of scars that could rub off on you. A mother who does not protect her child from an abuser is the greatest traitor in a person's life. I would not involve her with him until he has dealt with the abuse and resolved it. He may choose never to talk to her again. That is his choice, and the punishment would fit the crime. Let him be angry at his mother for what she did. He is the victim, not her. She was an accomplice to his pain and torture, and deserves no consideration. Get him away from her if you can. Only then can he start to heal.
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