A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is the second time in a year when a woman much younger shows interest in me - paying me compliments, buying me drinks, wanting to hang around, etc. I don't think I am that attractive physically, so this is not about wanting one-night stands. Last year I met a woman who was 24. I'm in my rather late thirties. She acted older and was interesting to talk to. The one I met recently is in reality 26, but acts even younger than 20. I've had other relationships with women my age or even 2-4 years older, so I don't think I act immature. The first "relationship" ended with a disaster when after seeing her almost every other day for 6 weeks -- and having immense fun -- I expected that "come to my place this evening, I have pizza and wine" means a bit more than "you can sleep on the couch". This time the situation looked similar, so I texted her "next time your place with wine". I'm sure I'll never hear from her, as intended. The question: do young women really think a guy half older would be interested in going to clubs, entertaining them with an interesting conversation (apparently I was good at that), and then getting drunk and eating pizza at their place till she gets tired and heads to her bedroom? I mean, nobody "deserves" sex, no matter how long you know each other, but I did feel they took advantage of me. I've heard of relationships with big age difference, so do they really exist?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 September 2012):
 It sounds to me as though you were being tested for some reason. Maybe your motives weren't truly trusted?
Or maybe they don't have all that much imagination and assume you are a cool guy who likes hanging out with them with no expectations, so they treat you accordingly?
How did they take advantage of you? Did they waste your time, setting you up to expect sex and then went to bed, full of pizza and drunk on wine, not interested in you sexually?
If you want a girlfriend, did you try asking them to be your girlfriend or were you waiting on sex to decide if you really wanted them as a girlfriend?
If you search in the archives of this site, there are many successful age-gap relationships. I guess what isn't clear from your question for me is whether you are looking for a relationship with a younger girl or just any girl?
If you want to date someone, you say, hey, I like you, let's become exclusive and see what happens, what do you think? Or, I have a good feeling about you and me and I think we could make a successful couple, shall we try? And THEN you can expect to think about starting a sexual relationship.
Maybe it's your age-based expectations that are affecting your perception of what's happening with the girl involved. Maybe they think you are a cool older guy who likes to hang out with them. Maybe they don't get that you actually want to start something more? Have you made it clear? If so, how?
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