A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm with my boyfriend for a little bit over a year and I'm getting angry about how he avoids pre-planned events and such with friends and family. And with me. He's not really that social, so to get him thinking about going somewhere is no small thing. But he always calls last minute saying he's not feeling well. I don't think it's just an excuse, but I think there's something going on. In the past year we planned to go to about 20 events with family or friends. He was on 3 and acted like I wasn't really there most of the time. Sure, that was at the begining of the relationship and we were working stuff out - we really started dating in a quite awkward way - but I really want to experience a proper social situation with my man! So people get to see us as a couple, so that I have someone with who I'm really close to there, so we could cuddle at the campfire under the stars and have no care in the world... I ended up going only to half of the events because I was so dissapointed. And I really wanted to go, but with what he did I knew I wouldn't really enjoy it. I would be OK if we weren't planning it together and if he told me sooner than a few hours in advance. I can't get anything proper out of him regarding this. He says he really wanted to go, but he's just not feeling well enough. Sure, I get he went for a swim last week and got a cold. I don't doubt that is real. I wouldn't think twice about it if it wasn't happening every time we are supposed to go somewhere together. And then he says he went somewhere on a whim... very rarely, that's true, but I'm just so sad I couldn't have been there with him... What is going on? What should I do? I can't seem to get much out of him on this besides "just bad luck" Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 August 2015):
 Your boyfriend might have some kind of social anxiety or perhaps he prefers a quieter life. Personally I find 20 events in the past year to be a bit much. I can't think of anyone I want to see that many times a year (except someone I chose to live with).
Was there anything different about the events he DID go to? Such as fewer people there, more comfortable venue, did he have his own transportation, was it with quieter people, did he gain weight between then and now?
Maybe cut back (way back) on the events you want him to attend or scale back your investment in him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2015): your man gets cold feet when it comes to family situations and i doubt this will change.Perhaps he has undisclosed history so check this out with the local police on the quiet or he may just be socially very awkward,but he is not giving you the messages you need for a committed relationship so i think you should be aware that he probably never will.
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