A
female
age
41-50,
*ara181204
writes:Hi, I have a question about long distance relationships/friendships.I have a friend that I have known for 15 years. I have been told that he is in love with me and he has been since 3 years ago and I have to say that all the signs are there when we are together. I love him and he knows it but we cannot date him as I am currently in another relationship with a mutual friend that I also love. He is single and not in a serious realtionship at the moment. About 9 months ago he went to live to another Country. When he comes to visit and we are together everything is great and it's like if no time has gone by but when he goes back to where he lives he has a very hard time keeping in touch. I am normally the one who initiates conversation via email but if I stop then he never does so days and weeks can go by without me hearing a word from him. It's almost as if "he disappears from the world", it's so strange. He once told me that he is not good at long distance relationships but we are just friends, it's just a long distance friendship and when we are together he seems to want to spend most of the time with me... I just don't get it. Anyone can tell me what could be going on inside his head when he is away? I am afraid to ask him because I don't want to appear needy or clingy. Any opinions are welcome! Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): It is difficult for long distance relationships to work out because you have little time together for it to develop well. The one I had did not work out. We were in college, and neither of us could afford to fly, etc.
I believe he made it clear when he said you are friends. It is not unusual for a friend to want to spend time with you when he is in town. Don't get upset by this. Good friendships are so important and difficult to find in life. I could count my good friends on one hand.
People tend to want what they can't have. Focus on the relationship you have. You have a boyfriend, and it is probably that he has a girlfriend where he lives. That is probably why you don't hear from him a lot.
Also, other people may have told you he is in love with you. Has he ever told you? No. If he loves you, he will tell you. If he loves you, he would be with you.
Good luck!
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