A
male
age
36-40,
*oodlandpirate
writes:Hey everyone,what would you consider as being needy?I am just curious about cause in my case, we haven´t seen each other for over six weeks and then I just wanted to spend a couple days with her. It was great for two days and then She claimed that I would pressuring her and that she does need her space and freedom....What´s the deal? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack  +, writes (11 January 2014):
Eesh! She sounds like a handful, OP!
The only advice I have is this:
If you really want to be with her, then *accept* her little oddities and that she's going to be this way, don't push, and be very patient.
If you aren't sure, then again, I'd move on.
It sounds downright infuriating, frankly, and she seems quite confused. If you want her, then you have to be the epitome of patience. But at the same time, you're going to risk being her "doormat" forever.
You know what? I'm amending my advice. Push her a little, gently. Have a straight talk about her mixed signals. Ask her what's going on in her life. Try to gauge it from there.
A
male
reader, woodlandpirate +, writes (10 January 2014):
woodlandpirate is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so far for any advice!
Pressuring? Not as far as I am concerned. I mean, having quite a chemistry between us, so I figured that she wants to spend a li´l´time with me too. And she was asking for it!
I was never asking for it. Once I just said to her that how many time is good for us, I would like to spend with her....never made it a problem or complainted about it.
I just see it like: how can you make a relationship (apperantly) work, without having a good time togehther? Or even having some time with eachother.....
I went away for a couple days, cause she wasn´t sure about where we were heading, so I gave her space and then she tried to reach me and soundt very desperate to met up again.... I came back and after two days, it was a totally different situation...it went from " I miss you so much" and " You need to be here with me", to: " I need space and I love my freedom" and " You want too much time from me.."
Years ago I´ve had a grilfriend with BPD and her behaviour was similar to woman now....like "go away---no stay with me" and it was so frustrating that in the end I was thinking that I was the one with mental problems....
So what can I do??
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (10 January 2014):
Doesn't seem to needy to me, BUT, it does seem that you want different things out of the relationship. You want more than she does, and this may be a dealbreaker.
Are you pressuring her? I don't know, you very well may be. How often do you bring it up? Do you guilt her over it? If so, that's "not fair" as it seems she's been honest with you about how much of herself she's willing to give (apparently, a pittance).
You may need to move on and hold out for someone who wants the same things as you, unless you're comfortable feeling like you're her least priority.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 January 2014):
It's very difficult to list everything it could be, but in general it's when you want more than the other person wants to give.
The right person won't think you're needy because they will need you as much as you need them. If you agree with that, then you should also agree that this girl is not the right person for you; if you haven't seen her in six weeks you need to look elsewhere... as they say these days, she's just not that into you.
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