A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, First off i want to thank you for taking a look at my question.I am a 22 year old senior in college, and my boyfriend recently turned 36. We have been dating for nearly one year. Recently we have been talking about getting married. He is even planning to move to my home country. My boyfriend is macho, cute, smart(PHD), and funny. He's great, but I keep worrying about what will happen when I am no longer in my twenties. I'm worried he will no longer be attracted to me, throw me aside for a younger model, and I'll be left devastated (maybe a single mom) and completely abandoned. I can definitely think of some reasons behind my general fear:•raised by a single mother and developed fear of becoming one too•mom and 2 of her friends are my family, but are all 60+ now. When they are gone, I will have no one. •often worries about how old he looks I developed the fear of being left for a younger model 3 years ago. My first bf (high school) was 1 year older. Second boyfriend 7 years older (i was 18 when we met, and considered him an "older" man).Current boyfriend is 14 years older. Here are some reasons I fear my boyfriend will leave me when I hit 30 or soon after:•when we met/first few dates, he lied about his age (said he was 29).•also stated later "I like really young girls".•cheated on ex wife and they divorced when she was a little over 30.•he will often be talk about "old women"... who are only in her 30's•claims he is mentally 22 and has bragged to friends about my age•once bragged about dating a just-turned 18 yr old (in his early 30's)I have tried asking him "what happens when I get older?" But he always laughs and says he will always be by my side. I feel happy when I hear these words, but I get the feeling he doesn't look into the long-run as much as I do. I honestly don't think he can imagine me physically changing and when he says those things he's imagining my smiling young face. Sometimes I think I should be with someone 20-30 years older than me to calm my anxieties, but I really love my boyfriend! Are my fears reasonable? How can I overcome them? Thank you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 You have issues and so does he. You are looking at older guys so that you feel worthy and younger than them, so you look good to them. He chases younger women as that is what he prefers. But there is alarm bells going off here. He has a track record and bragging to friends that he got with a girl who is barely legal is quite immature. His behaviour is quite worrying and yes I would be worried as well. He bases to much on age, when age should not be an issue at all here.
As for you saying you feel like dating someone 20-30 years older to feel secure, again it is obvious that you have age issues or else you wouldn't be feeling that way either. You need to have more self esteem and stop looking at age as well, it is only a number.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (15 December 2012):
 As the older partner in an age gap relationship I can tell you that I am not with my partner because of his age. In fact, I abhor the fact that he's 13 years younger than I am.
I did not target him due to his age. I don't really look at a person's age.
Your partner specifically targets younger women
specifically says he prefers younger women
has already left one woman for a younger woman
has age issues.
has moral issues (cheating and dating VERY young barely legal girls)
I would based on his past history (not just his age) tread very carefully with him.
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