A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone.I've been friends with this guy for a little over a year now. He was a friend of a friend, and one day he messaged me and started talking about relationships. I responded and it followed with us messaging each other back and forth.As time went by, he started messaging me every day. I started to get the impression that he liked me. He and I had many many things in common, so eventually, I started to like him too.However, we never called each other, never really met up, unless it was in the group of friends. He would tell me, really frequently, that I was really pretty, very attractive, really really smart. He often told me that he was impressed by me, that I was talented and could draw. He even told me once, that talking to me was the best part of his day.Meanwhile, he also told me he struggled with anxiety, and had a low self esteem. I also struggle with depression, but I don't really have a low self esteem, so I would return the compliments to boost his self esteem.Over the past two months, he told me had a crush on a girl who would commute with him back home from work. I was so jealous. He started taking her out and so on.I decided to tell him that I liked him, and when I did, he told me thought of me only as a friend.I was crushed, because I think everything he said to me suggested that he liked me. I can't figure out why he led me down that path, only to friendzone me. I told him that I wanted to stop talking to him for sometime, so I could think of him as a friend too. I keep thinking about him, and I want to stop, but I wonder what his intentions were. Was I stupid to confuse his signals with friendship?
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crush, jealous, self esteem Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think he must be dense right now lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017): If you think he's dense; then you're definitely out of his league. Just take this to mean someone is making his way to you, who is much better. You simply misread his signals. Don't take it to heart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think he might be pretty dense Honeypie, lol. Thank you :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017): I think he's playing mind games with you. I get the impression you felt that too.
Wicked boy.
Still, he doesn't get you!
he lost out there ??
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 June 2017):
 That makes sense, OP
And it might explain WHY he wasn't more CLEAR in making sure you knew he only saw you as a friend. He probably didn't think YOU would be interested, after all, you had been his friend (in his eyes) who listened to him and helped him get his courage up enough to talk to the "crush".
And maybe he is a bit dense when it comes to women.
I still say, don't feel bad for taking the risk and telling him. Just don't waste a whole year next time :) If you talk to a guy if he doesn't invite you out on a "date" he probably isn't into you.
Cut him off if that HELPS you. Doesn't matter what HE thinks...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Honeypie When he told me he had a crush on another girl, yes I wondered what that meant, but he also told me he was too shy to ever tell a girl he liked her. So I thought that is why he never told me.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 June 2017):
I agree with WiseOwlE,
You were his sounding board and his "coach". I think it's easy to see why you thought he meant more, but when he started talking about the girl he had a crush on didn't you stop to think: "wait, if he is interested in me why would he bring HER up?".
That IS something you would talk to a friend about. A crush, old relationships, life experiences, etc.
And the biggest CLUE that he saw as a friend only was in the FACT that he NEVER asked you out on one-on-one dates or outings but only saw you in GROUP things.
With that said, I DO also think he USED you to practice on. to build himself up enough that he could talk to the girl he had a crush on. It might not have been done on purpose, he probably felt very comfortable with you.
I do think the best thing you can do is STOP talking to him for a while.
Sometimes it happens that we fall for someone who doesn't FEEL the same way about us. NOTHING you can do about that. And it's OK. You took a chance and TOLD him how you felt, that was brave. And now you know HE doesn't see you in the same way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2017): You're probably the nicest person he could think of. You're friendly, approachable, pretty, and still easy to talk to.
I think he needed you for practice; to get the nerve to talk to a woman, and you offered him the right feedback. You boosted his self-esteem and gave him courage. Only you got the signals crossed. I don't know if he intentionally led you on; but I think you misunderstood his intentions.
You got caught-up in the attention and misread what it was all about. You didn't indicate in your post that he really made romantic moves like try to kiss you or anything. He didn't try to hold your hand or give lingering hugs. He paid you nice compliments and enjoyed your company; because you're a great person. You're apparently attractive and smart, but maybe out of his league. He didn't feel he was good enough for someone like you. He found someone else more his speed.
A couple of years before I started dating my current boyfriend; some friends and I were out one night. I stopped by a local restaurant bar after a Christmas play. It was at a tiny theater house; and there's a nice restaurant with a bar across the street. I met a very attractive Brazilian guy sitting at the bar. He struck-up conversation; and asked me tons of questions; and he really turned-on the charm.
I liked him; he offered me his number. I told him then and there, I'm gay. He said he was bisexual. No worries. For about a month we chatted; and he always had questions, about this and that. One day, I asked him if he wanted to have some dinner or a drink. He said he would let me know once he knew his work-schedule for the rest of the month. To this day, I never heard from him again. He tapped my brain, and that's really all he wanted. A nice person he could talk to.
I felt a little embarrassed; and yes, like you, I took all the questions as getting to know me. He asked me personal questions of a sexual nature; and told me he could imagine us together. I sort of changed the subject, but he brought it up again on other occasions. So I took it as a flirtation. He liked calling late nights on weekends. He left a voicemail message if I didn't pickup. No texting.
I guess he just needed someone to help him come-out of the closet. I never come-on to straight men. Although, I have been propositioned by closet-cases. Men who claim to be straight, but curious. I don't swing that way! I'm gay!
Well, my dear, we're a couple of angels who got our wings tangled in the telephone wires. We showed them the way to somebody else. I was so embarrassed for letting down my guard. I don't usually warm-up to other gay men very easily. Most of the time they're only looking for a one-night stand. He was very warm and engaging. So I got trapped by his charms and good-looks. He'd call out of the blue for a chat.
If you can't shake your feelings, you're right. It's best to distance yourself, or cut ties altogether. Just don't rule-out the option to make friends with a guy, unless he wants to be romantically-involved. People can be nice and like you for many reasons, and it doesn't have to lead to romance or sex. I guess, it depends on their timing. If you're lonely or seeking more than a friend; he came along at the wrong time for you. Apparently, you had a purpose and you have fulfilled it. As did I.
You weren't stupid. He just needed practice talking to a good-looking lady. He figured you deserve better than a guy like himself; and didn't expect you to like him that way. I think the guy I liked got cold-feet; but my destiny was to meet the guy I now have. Glad I waited.
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