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age
41-50,
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writes: A few years ago, I met an incredible guy who I ended up becoming fast friends with. We're what's called kindred spirits. We are so much alike in our personalities that we joke that we must have been siblings in a past life. We talk to each other about anything and everything. There are no secrets. We have amazing chemistry that we don't have with anyone else. We know each other better than anybody. We're best friends for life. A short time later, I ended up falling in love with him. My platonic feelings had turned romantic. Unfortunately, before I got the chance to tell him, he got heavily involved with a horrible girl who had a live-in boyfriend. It broke my heart and made me very angry and jealous. I was jealous because I wanted him to love me like I loved him. I was angry because I felt like she had interfered with a growing chemistry, but the biggest thing that made me see red was she made the affair public to their friends, coworkers, families. Sometime later, my friend realized that she wasn't going to leave her boyfriend and the relationship ended in such a horrible way that he nearly got himself killed.(He drank more than his body weight and got behind the wheel.)A year ago, he started dating another selfish girl who has a lot of drama(baby daddy, family drama). The relationship at best is a friends-with-benefits, and they've broken up at least three times. I asked him why does he take her back if he's not happy with her, and he said he doesn't like sleeping in an empty bed. I was so repulsed by what he said and respulsed by the girl that I decided that I can't be in love with a guy who doesn't feel the same way. I started to focus more on my own life, my family and friends, and tried not to think about the fact that my feelings were getting stronger by the day.This year, I got military orders to move overseas. My friend and I decided to hangout one more time before I left in a few days. Well, while we were hanging out, he tells me that he's had romantic feelings for me for over a year; before this other chick came into the picture. I had always known deep down that the feelings weren't one-sided, but to actually hear him say the words has thrown me for a loop. I was happy to tell him I felt the same way, but sad at the same time. I asked him why didn't he tell me this sooner, but he never answered that question. This is why I'm here. I need to know a few things: why didn't he tell me how he felt when he first realized it? Why did he bother dating this other chick knowing he had feelings for me and not her? Why did he wait until I was two days away from moving? He and I could have been together romantically all along had I known. I feel like we wasted an entire year.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason why I didn't tell my best friend that I loved him sooner was because he was going out with these other chicks. As horrible as they are, I'm not one of those girls that will break up a relationship so I can be with the guy. I've heard karma's a bitch when it comes to stuff like that, and I didn't want it hitting me. Also, I guess I'm old-fashioned. I'd rather have the guy pursue me than the other way around.
I never thought he was the type of guy to ever worry about rejection because he's a superhandsome guy with a great personality who never has problems getting women. Well, now I know that even the most charming, handsome guys get scared. But, knowing that it was me that he wanted all along makes me feel pretty good. Knowing that the feelings aren't one-sided is a positive. But, you're right, xmeganx. I can't think about the past anymore.
I'll be happy if marriage, children, the works comes out of these feelings. I'll also be happy if all that is we have the kick-butt friendship that will follow us to the grave. As long as we remain close and in each others' lives, I'll be happy either way.
A
female
reader, xmeganx  +, writes (11 December 2007):
 Hi to be honest i think you need to think more about the future and try to foget about the past now.
you said why didnt he tell you when he first realised....well probably the same reasons deep down that you didnt tell him how you felt!!
I dont think he's purposely waited til now, its just that hes probably just realised how it will be when you are gone and knows he cant keep it to himself anymore and has to bite the bullet!
Now you need to sit and talk about where u go from here.
good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (11 December 2007):
Funny old world eh?
1)Why didnt he tell you: Fear of rejection perhaps, maybe he needed to hear it from you?
2)Horrible chick: to get himself 'back in the game' and get over his feelings for you. This would tie in with 1, if he thought that his feelings were one sided
3) Wait until youre leaving: sounds a bit like he might have some probs with his emotions, goes out with chicks who he knows arent right for him so he can end it easily and now knows youre leaving so feels safe to tell you.
Dont know what to say, if you realised that you love him & you know he loves you maybe things could be picked up on your return?
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