A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why would a guy tell you he " can't do the relationship thing at the moment " yet he carries on seeing you cos he apparently likes you sooo much, develops a bit of an obssession with you though technically you can only be 'friends'. Then, suddenly starts losing contact more and more, next thing you know he's actually dating another girl?! When we first met we got close quite quickly and he actually sat me down and said he 'needed to be single' and we both got upset as it was quite a difficult talk we had. Why put himself through the hell of all that and knowing I wanted to go out with him yet making it clear it couldn't happen when he turns around 2 months later and doesn't even hint that he's started a relationship with someone else? I know he was very touchy feely and used to having a girl around so maybe he just couldn't live without the sex? I'm very sensitive and have real low self asteem, he made me feel good about myself and shower me with compliments, now I feel angry and foolish and completely rejected. Thing is that was 6 months ago and I'm still not over him and want him soo badly yet feel so stupid and hurt. He seemed to genuinely like me, so what happened??? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Hey honey,
The same thing happened to me recently. It was my first relationship (I'm 18). Basically we dated, got touchy feely pretty fast (no sex), acted like gf/bf (he invited me round for dinner with his parents!) and then I get a text message telling me that he doesn't want a relationship and I was basically the rebound girl. He didn't even have the decency to talk about it. Just a text message.
All you can do is pick yourself up and move on. Your guy is not the type of guy to have stable relationships so there is no point waiting around for him to grow up. You might even be missing the idea of being in a relationship more than you miss the guy. If you find yourself thinking about him all the time, make sure that you remember the BAD as well as the good, so that you remember who he actually was, not just some perfect guy who got away.
Message me if you want to talk.
Take care
Scythe
xox
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2008): It just sounds like you completely ignored what he was saying to you. He specifically told you that he did not want a relationship. You should believe people when they say stuff like that and take it very literally. If you are dating a guy who says, "I don't want a relationship" believe him and don't expect anything more. Of course a guy may hook up with you and be friendly with you even if they don't want a relationship with you. Its called dating. But he made it very clear from the start that that was as far as it was going to go. Its like if you plan a trip to disney world and invite me and I say "I don't want to go" would you still buy me a plane ticket and a disney pass just because I showed a great interest in mickey mouse? No. Just because I like mickey mouse doesn't mean I want to go to disney world. Its the same with him, he is interested in sex but not in a relationship. You see the analogy? Furthermore, he told you what was up, but you ignored him. So believe people when they say stuff to you so that you avoid putting your heart on the line in a relationship that's not going anywhere. The moment he said that to you, that was your cue to move on.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 This is a classic relationship pattern where the person (could be man or woman, usually more men) enjoy the chase and new phase in a relationship. Once they get past this stage, they can't continue in the relationship further call it committment issues or simply because they need the next relationship fix so it's onto the next subject. Do you know if his past relationships were like this? The fact that he sat you down to tell you not to get too attached leads me to believe he is well aware of his relationship pattern.
Anytime someone throws out the compliments too soon is kind of a red flag. They intend to move through the intial stages quickly and then they loose interest.
It is too bad you had to go through this but unfortunately anyone who has any dating experience has been through it. It doesn't have anything to do with you. You did nothing wrong. He did really like you too. He would not have had the brief relationship with you if he didn't. There is no reason you should feel foolish. He is the one who will go on in life without a real attachment and eventually the emptiness he has surrounded himself with will get to him and he will desire what you wanted all along. Moving on is easier said than done but you really are wasting your time feeling bad about this guy.
You should also know that these kind of people prey on people whose self esteem is lower. So my other advice to you would be to build up your self esteem by going out and doing things you enjoy. Do some volunteer work and give back. That will always make you feel good.
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