A
male
age
36-40,
*ovingon220950
writes:(Mod note: Titled by poster)I really don’t know what to do anymore…I have this best friend. We met about 2 years ago in class. We hit it off from the beginning. I’ve always been a private person and the more I got to know him, the more I trusted and confided in him. He and I talk about everything… girls, sex, school, family, religion, etc. I have a lot of friends that I consider to be really close to me but I just never opened up to them the way I do with this one friend in particular. We’re both 21 yr old college students living in a college town far away from home. It honestly feels so good to have someone that you can trust with a blindfold on. I’ve never cared so much about a male friendship before as much as I do for this one. I feel like I’ve known this kid my whole life. We’re so close that sometimes he feels like family. I went through a rough phase a while back and he was the only person that knew about it so he was the only person that helped me cope through it. But I feel as if I now have gotten too accustomed to having him around. I’ve developed feelings for him that I never intended to have. I get jealous when he hangs out with other people (male or female). I constantly want to know EVERYTHING about him and his whereabouts. I get upset when he doesn’t pick up the phone or when it takes him a long time to text me back. I think about him all the time and I’m always looking for reasons and excuses to hang out with him. I get anxiety when I go a whole day without hearing from him. I overanalyze everything he says and does. I’m driving myself insane. For about a year now, I have cried myself to sleep over this. I highly doubt I am gay because I could never see myself being with a man. I don’t even like to see two men holding hands. It honestly feels like heartbreak every single time I know he’s doing something with another friend. I can’t continue on this way. It has affected me in every way possible. There are days where I don’t eat and just lay in bed. I have tried to cut all communication from him and just stop calling him but its not that easy. As far as he is concerned there is absolutely NOTHING abnormal about our friendship so if I don’t call him for a couple of days, he’ll call me instead. I run into him around campus all the time and we have a couple classes together! I can’t just avoid him because it is not fair to him. He is a HUGE homophobe though so I would never consider telling him what I’m going through. I know for a fact that he would completely erase me from his life and want nothing to do with me. I just don’t know how to deal with this anymore. I love what he and I have and I don’t want to lose it. But the pain and the mental exhaustion are too much. I honestly don’t know what to do. I would hate it if any one of my friends just started to avoid me from one day to the next so I wouldn’t want to do that to him. But I am also aware that things wont get better for me unless some things start to change… I just don’t know WHAT!! SOME ADVICE PLEASE!! :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Yeh, you really need to talk to a professional about this, you've got some pretty complex emotions in you right now and you need to have a massive vent to an actual person. You don't want to lose him as a friend so you really need to get a handle on your emotions. It seems like in being so jealous/protective of your friend so that you wouldn't lose him, you've actually put yourself in a position where thats actually a possibility. Reminds me of the quote: One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it... But I digress.Please see a doctor/counsellor dude, they spend years studying these kind of problems and they're gonna be a whole lot more helpful than this site. All the best :)
A
female
reader, intriuged  +, writes (26 February 2010):
the reason you have begon to get these feelings for your friend is becaus you have become so close it has nothing to do with your sexuality. you are out of home and you have grew close to this friend and as you have both opened up so much to each other your feelings have just grown. it is common for you get feeling for friends it just isnt good when they start to get so intense and start affecting you and your life. first of it does sound like you are suffering from mild depression and i would urge you to see either you school counsler or speak to your doctor or someone who could put you in the rite direction to talk to some one about this.
there is nothing abnormal about your relationship with your friend and avoiding him is not going to solve your problem. you dont know for sure what you friend would think if you told him what your going through and personaly it sounds more about you beeing lonely and having no family around you that these feeling are coming to surfice.
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