A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife of 10 years had some problems with stealing and lying in the early years of our marriage. For the past several years there have been times I've suspected the behavior again, but lacked proof to confirm, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I just caught her in a lie, over something insignificant......buying a lottery ticket......which makes me wonder....if she's willing to lie about the small stuff....how can I trust her on large issues. I feel like I have no self-respect if I just keep sticking my head in the sand with all this lying.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 December 2011):
 lying is wrong and it's one of the reasons my last marriage ended. He could NOT stop lying.My current partner has a NO lying policy and sometimes he stretches it a bit over the top.... so I am very very careful to never mis-speak a half truth... lest i get accused of LYING...why do you think she lied about the lottery ticket? are you opposed to her buying it? does she not have discretionary income with which she can do as she pleases?yes if a person can lie about little things MAYBE they can lie about big things... but for me, I know that little white lies would be easier than a BIG lie... of course if trust is broken from past behavior then all of that goes out the window...
A
female
reader, HippyChick  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 Trust what you gut is telling you, it rarely puts you wrong. Do some digging and see what you find.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 It's just like you said, "insignificant" A big lie would cause concern, like..winning the lottery but telling you she didn't then you might want to worry. I think you should forget about it and not worry about you and how you feel.
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (28 December 2011):
 I agree with anonymous.
It's wrong to lie in marriages, even with the little things, but if you started trouble over a lottery ticket, then it would make you look like you're overreacting and untrusting.
She's your wife, trusting her is important. Ask her why she wasn't honest about the lottery ticket, and go from there. Talking it out will help so much in the long run.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2011): A lot of people tell little lies, even to their spouses, I'm not saying it's right at all, but it does happen. I know married people who would lie about insignificant things like a lottery ticket, but they would never lie about big things. I would say that from the issues from early in the marriage, you simply don't trust her and are looking for reasons to justify your mistrust. Try talking to her, ask her why she lied about the lottery ticket. I do think though your looking to find reasons to justify the fact you don't trust her and didn;t forgive her for the past.
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