A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I had an affair with my life long best friend. The two of us have been close since we were kids and grew up next door to each other. He has been the person that I have gone to for everything and I have been the same for him. I am also married to one of his best friends that he grew up with. We always seem to know what is going on with each other even though we live 500 miles away. We have always kind of beat around the bush and would mention that our souls were connected but we never talked about our feeling, even after seeing each other through some of the darkest days possible, the death of his wife, and finding out that his daughter was abused by a family friend. We have always just been there for each other and have always needed the other to be ok. This past summer everything changed between the two of us. Every year we go on a family vacation together but it is usually in a crazy location where there is a lot of other people and a lot of distractions. We both decided that it would be cool to have a mellow vacation were we can all just hang out and not be distracted by other people. We spent 3 days together at his girlfriends family camp. The last day that we were there my husband and his girlfriend were tired and took naps, the two of us laid down on the lawn outside and looked at the sky and talked. We talked about how nice it has been to actually get to spend time together and how beautiful the location was. We talked about how we wish that part of us could stay there forever. We talked about how we wish we could go off into our own universe and never come back. I did not know that this was the start of something I just got lost in the moment. After the two of us laid there for a good hour or so and talked we were joined by his girlfriend and my husband. I figured it would be a good idea to spice things up so we started doing shots of tequila. The night progressed and we all started feeling really good. My husband had it together the best and they needed cigarettes so my husband and his girlfriend went to the store. Mean while I put the kids to bed. When I finished I went outside to meet him. As soon as I saw him I knew that everything had changed. I could see how much he wanted me. He then asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, part of me wanted to say no but a bigger part wanted to so we did. We walked to the property next door and sat next to the water. At that point he brought our conversation to where it was earlier and asked me if I was thinking what he was. I told him I was but it was too intense and it scared me. He then took my hand and put it on his heart, I could feel his heart pounding and mine was too. I then took his hand and put it on my heart. We both looked at each other like we knew something was going to happen but we saw head lights and knew we had to go back to camp. It was not more then an hour and a half when everyone went to bed, except us. We went for another walk, this one was further down the road. As soon as we got were we were going he grabbed me and started kissing me. My whole body responded but I was so freaked out, you see I had been married for almost 12 years and had not kissed anyone but my husband in those years. I knew that I felt very intensely for him but I was scared. I told him I was scared I would loose him and that he was far to important to me, that I could not imagine a life without him and didn't think I could handle it. He convinced me that it would only make our friendship stronger. We kissed for a while and then decided to cool it for a couple of minutes so we went back to camp and tried to gain our composure but was unable to so we went for another walk. This time we had some heavy duty four play and started to make love but did not finish. We went back to camp again but this time we were unable to keep our hands off each other so we went for anther walk. This time we made love and did not stop ourselves. We made love under the stars and it was amazing. I did not know that it was possible to feel so intense about someone almost like I could not breath. He told me everything that I had ever wanted to hear and knew exactly what I wanted. I have never felt such a connection. When we finished we started walking back to camp and then we saw headlights, it was his girlfriend. She was acting like she was pissed but did not say anything about suspecting us, although I am sure she did. When I woke up in the morning I looked over at my husband and wrapped my arms around him and just held him like it was the last time it was ever going to happen. I laid there and watched him and felt like I was actually watching my life slip away and that it was all my fault. The next day we woke up and talked briefly about how we had no regrets and that everything we had said to each other was real. Then I went on my way and he went on his. Since then we have talked on the phone often and some of the conversations are very sexually charged and others we are freaking out on each other and saying that we have to cool things off. We have been best friends for years and this is the first time in our lives that we have ever really fought. Part of me wants to come clean with my husband but the other part says he can't handle it. The two of them have also been best friends for years and they do love each other like brothers. My husband thinks that the two of us love each other like siblings as well. I am scared that if we came forward everyone would think that this is a long running affair and they would turn moments in our past into things that they were not. The only problem I am having is that I don't even feel like myself anymore. I have been obsessive about us and my marriage to where I am self destructing and I don't know how to stop. I am scared I am going to loose both and I don't now how I can deal with that either way. I really do love them both. I know it sounds cliché but it is true.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): I'll not be so harsh.
You messed up.
Understanding why is the real problem.
First, break off the contact, all contact, in the absence of your spouse. That means no emails, no phone calls, no letters, no nothing.
Second, write a letter to your husband, date it, detail everything that happened in that letter, as well as the entire history of your relationship with the other man, then lock it up in a safe deposit box. Don't skimp on the emotional details of your own life and how you have been feeling about yourself over the years. Don't try to make yourself look better or worse, be frankly open and honest in this letter. Hopefully nobody will ever need to read it.
Get a book, After the Affair, and read it, slowly, and keep it locked away so nobody can find it.
Get counseling, and figure out what you need to do.
If you get "discovered", take your husband to the safe deposit box and give him the letter. Tell him about the counseling, and the work you have been doing. Then, the rest is up to the two of you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): i read your DRAMA filled epic and came to this realisation. your life is now a drama because you have chosen this path. i never condone affairs. no matter how innocent it all started. let me get straight to the point. you do not deserve to be married. why? because your betrayal has such a profound effect on all INNOCENT lives you have chosen to destroy. you could have stopped, how many times that night but you deliberately put the kids to bed and then went out and got yourself Fed by another man. am i being crude? i don't think so. say good bye to your life as you know it. no kids and no happy homes with your husband. the ultimate betrayal? yes because your hb thinks this betrayer is part of your lives, in fact you both have done a good job in deluding everyone around you. both of you are cheaters and well as cheating goes you will get what you deserve. perhaps you think i am too harsh, but imagine when your life slips threw your fingers because you threw it away. Kiddo, you Fed up, a few minutes of Fing and you threw away a happy marriage. was HE worth it? i can tell you now, NO. so start talking to your husband and tell him what y ou have been up to. thus far you have manipulated and managed to keep your F session a secret but for how long before the world crashes around you. i will not tell you to safeguard your marriage becasue i will be wasting my breath.if someone was remorseful, if someone is ridden with guilt and wants to now do the right thing then i will go all out and give you some proper advice how to save your marriage. but since you do not give a sh1t and you have no desire to stop your affiar then please go ahead and destroy your life. -LoveGirl
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