A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my ex and I were together for 6 months. Its been 3 months since the breakup. She said she needed to figure out what she wanted. For the first month and a half i kept in contact with her everyday. We even hung out a few times. One of the times we hung out i told her how much i missed her and wanted to be with her. She said she never wanted to hurt me and if she had the time we both needed she would have never broken up with me. The next couple weeks i would text her a couple time a week, trying to be friends like she said that she wanted us to be right now. But it was killing me. I asked to hang out before she went to cali for a week for a competition. She asked if we could just do it sometime after she got back. I couldn't wait, so I said that a can't handle being just friends and that if she ever wanted to build back up our relationship she could call me, otherwise this was goodbye. She didn't respond.A week later, she texted me from cali telling me that she was going to place in the top 10 at her competition. I thought it was some mass text so i just said great job. Two days later, she texted me again saying what place she got. Again, i thought it was a mass text so i just said congrats. She said she had to tell me, and that she would call me next week. This was on a Tuesday.Next week came around an she hadn't called. That weekend is was going to be in her town with one of my good friends. I texted her friday to let her know i'd be at the bars and texted her saturday to let her know i'd be at the lakes for the night. I wanted to let her know cause i didn't want the next time to meet to be an awkward run-in. Both times she said it wouldn't be awkward and that she would be at the other place otherwise she would come she me. Asked her if she wanted to do lunch sunday. She said she would, but she has a friend coming up for the weekend. So on sunday i told her how much i missed her and sorry if i'm not giving her space and that i thought keeping in contact would show how much i care about her. She replied that she is not meaning to hurt me and that she really does care about me and will always be there for me as my friend. When i asked if she was still trying to figure out what she wants, she said "not exactly i am slowly figuring out who i am and what i want to be." I told her that i was sorry i couldn't be the perfect guy for me. She said it wasn't like that. Then i said that i never wanted to let her go but i guess that i have to. I thanked her for the great months together and she also said they were great months.It's been almost a week now. I haven't made any contact with her. It hurts so much right now. I really knew we'd probably never get back together a month and a half ago, i just didn't want to believe it. My question is now, how do i get over her? I still love her and want to be with her. I was wondering if anyone had some tips besides the no contact rule. Also, what do i do when i run into her cause it is bound to happen. My best friend lives in her town. We go out and so does she so it's only a matter of time. How should i handle the situation when it comes?
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male
reader, alphamale +, writes (9 July 2009):
aaahhh the dreaded F fword. Once you hear the word "friend" come from a girls mouth, it's over. It is a point of no return.
Just ask yourself this question; How many girls would use that word to refer to someone they have feelings for? NONE. SO once that girl uses that word, She either doesn't have feelings for you and if she did, not anymore. I think you need to put this experience in the backburner and just learn from it. It'll help you make better choices in the future, and teach you how you can avoid mistakes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Hi,
I went through something very similar recently so thought I could give some advice.
Firstly it seems to have become clear to you now that you and your ex aren't going to get back together, and you aren't in denial about this, which is a great step. It took me a long time to even admit to myself that my ex wasn't going to take me back despite him telling me.
The truth is, you clearly have and had a lot of feelings for your ex which won't just magically disappear overnight. The longer you let yourself dwell on these feelings, the longer they will linger. Sometimes it's impossible to fight them, so the best thing to do is distract yourself - go out, have fun, keep busy. When the time feels right you could start looking for someone new; I signed up to a dating website only a couple of months after splitting up with my ex and met my current partner who I love very much. People will tell you not to actively look for love when heartbroken; they're probably right as it's not a great frame of mind to start a new relationship in, but it is undeniable that meeting new girls - maybe just to flirt and have fun with - will take your mind off your ex.
Try and remember any negative things about being in a relationship. People have a tendency to look back with a rosy perspective and idolise their ex - I know I did. I'm not saying try and make yourself hate your ex - but just try and concentrate on the good parts of being single.
And remind yourself though you may feel like you love your ex, you have to (as tacky as it sounds) love yourself more. Don't waste too much time thinking about someone who didn't want to be with you or you'll end up living in a fantasy world.
And count yourself (in a way) lucky - your ex sounds like a nice person who still appreciates you and enjoyed your time together. Suggests you've still got a friend in her, and that you have a lot to offer future partners.
Hope some or all of this helped!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): Find a rebound girl, even if you don't love her, it'll help you get your mind off of her. There's no need to hold onto false hope. She's gone and if she was coming back, she would've done it already.
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