A
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age
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*toto2
writes:WHAT TO DO WHEN HE’S THE OTHER WOMANLast year I dated nearly 20 men. Thrice married and failed I wanted to do it right this time, after all, I'm 55. I met a verile, intelligent, talented man. He's 51, a bronc rider and professional country dancer. The latter we had much in common. Out of twenty plus men I chose him. LUST!! it was great. We decided to move in together. He never lied about being a crossdresser. When he told me I was stunned, I a woman with a Masters in Social Work and Humanities. I'm heart broken. I cry all the time. I can't have sex with him unless I'm drunk....and I've never had a drink of any kind before. I've sought therapy at several places...all stating they just don't have the expertise in this area. Because my man is so masculine he looks like an Orangutan in a dress. I can't get that vision out of my head...it absolutely deflates any sexual attraction I had for him. I've shown him nothing but kindness and respect. Allowing him to dress any time he wants, even buying him clothing I know he can't help it. It's who he is...but what about me...being a womann attracted to a man....what am I to do now...celebacy? I hate it when he wears my barretts, he curls his "now" long hair, wears his fingernails long etc. This asside he is the finest man I've met, and I've been around the world. He communicates...can you believe that...a man who talks. He is extremely attentive and respectful to me. With all this I still cry. I don't want a girlfriend I want a man. I simply am not a lesbian.. I can't play silly sex games pretending I'm OK with it. He doesn't know how I feel. I just cry myself to sleep every night. I don't have anyone to talk to about it. I don't know what to do about it. I hate being single. I hate dating. Even still I would choose him out of all those fellows I dated. I need help... don't know what to do. Am on antidepressants. I morn my man...I'm grief stricken...
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female
reader, Ariel32  +, writes (1 May 2008):
Hi, I went through the same thing as you except that I married him and had a child with him. He told me early on and I guess I just didn't think about it much as he didn't do it infront of me or when I was home. Many years later I found pictures of him dressed on his computer and the thoughts of the way he looked dressed in my mind ultimately ruined our sex life, which in turn ruined our marriage. We are now divorced with joint custody of my daughter and he's now with someone that accepts it. I would be happy to talk to you about this, I was with my ex 14 years so I know quite alot about the subject. We went to councelling and I've read countless books on the subject if I can help in any way please let me know, I'd be happy to talk to you over email or something. Even if you just need someone to listen, I know how it feels to have that all bottled up and it become your secret and not just his, it's a horrible feeling. For years I couldn't tell anyone, not family, not friends, I felt like everyone would judge me and think that somehow I was some kind of moron for staying with him, so I kept the secret to myself for so many years. But let me tell you once I did have someone to talk to about it I felt so much relief. Let me know and I'll send you my email.Ariel
A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 I understand what you mean completely. If you really do want to recapture your lust without telling him how you feel about it, then why don't you think to yourself how brave he is for doing such a thing and reminding yourself why you love him. How good he is to you. I still think that you should talk to him, but I understand what you mean. Or you could just imagine him naked. He's not wearing anything when he's naked. That could work. Maybe.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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A
female
reader, ntoto2 +, writes (4 April 2008):
ntoto2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question My partner already feels ashamed and guilty because of societal standards. In fact I understand crossdressing better than he does, according to him. He's always asking me questions as a therapist about why he does this. Because I love and respect him I don't want to add to his shame and guilt by telling him how hurt, confused, etc I am. It's "ME" and how it affects me that I want to change. I think what he is dong is much evolved of him s a human...not only in that he is being true to himself, but that he alot of both genders. I'm learning though that what I believe and what I feel are two different things. How do I reconcille this? Your advice is not only good, but suggested to me a number of times. Perhaps all of you are right!
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (4 April 2008):
If he doesn't know how you feel about it, tell him. Tell him your opinions on it. If he is a man who talks, like you say, then you should be able to come to some sort of agreement. You can tell him that he doesn't have to give it up completely but maybe have a rota or something. Some days he's can dress however he wants while others he dressed how you would like him to. That way you can keep your lust/sexual attraction on those days and other days he can dress however he wants.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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