A
male
age
36-40,
*jekim
writes:So,there was this girl I used to date (note: first and only girl ive ever dated past a first date)... I liked her a lot. If i had a list of everything I wanted in a girl, it would have been her. We dated for like a month and a half...but she was always busy, and I could never find time to spend together outside of class, and i ended it, i tried to apologize later and said id be more patient but she said i was right and she didn't have the time right now.I hadnt seen since her in close to 7-8 months...but we kept in contact through email and what not. she said she would come visit me, but never did (i didnt have a car) So i ask her since whe was graduating soon, if she would like to date again, since maybe she would not be as busy. but she said she was seeing someone else. I told her that hurt me very much, that she meant a lot to me. She told me I was very important to her too. She gave me her new number and said we should plan on when to hang out. i asked if her boyfriend would be okay with her hanging out with me, she just said that he isn't her boyfriend yet, and she can hang out with whoever she wants.we made a plan, but she had to cancel, cause she had forgotten a friends birthday party. then she started working 2 jobs and has been very busy. But she always responds to my emails and text quickly and always respondsAnyway, today, I decieded to just call her... and ask her to the movies next week. she didn't pick up but called me a few hours later and I missed the call, so i decided to just text her. she said she would have to work, i asked if she would like to after work. But she said she might have to work at her second job :( she said she would let me know if she had a free day:(So thats all of it... what should i do? Is she giving me signals she isn't interested or something, should i just give up on her and move on? what?if there is any details you would like to know that might help, just ask. but im really stuck on what to do.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 June 2011):
 If she flakes consistently, it means she doesn't like you, in either sense of the word, she just likes the attention you give her. It means she's selfish and doesn't want a relationship or friendship, she just wants the benefits of one without the need to reciprocate.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to rid your life of flakes. The best thing you can do for a flake is teach them that they will lose good friends and relationships by being unreliable. Stop dealing with her. If she calls you up later on her own initiative and wants to do something, give her one last chance; after that, the first cancelled or rescheduled plan means she's gone for good.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 "If i had a list of everything I wanted in a girl, it would have been her. We dated for like a month and a half...but she was always busy, and I could never find time to spend together outside of class, and i ended it"
If she was everything you wanted you wouldn't have ended it. It's time you realize that she wasn't all you wanted. She never had time, she was too busy etc. That's not what you wanted.
You need to try and find a person that IS what you want, not someone who's close "if I only could change this or that about them".
You should have moved on from her long time ago. She's even dating someone else, you're out of the picture, and you need to face that she isn't all you want in a girl. She's a close resemblance, but a girl you want is someone who wants you too, right?! Someone who makes the time for you, has time for a relationship, wants to see you, cares for you, and is as interested in you as you are in her. This girl isn't. It's time to let it go. She's not interested in you, and even if she was, she doesn't have time for you.
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