A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just looking for some straight forward answers.Question: What thoughts comes to a woman’s mind (as well as guys) when a 25 year old guy says that he has never been in a relationship and is a virgin.Why:Initially, it was a religious reason, the whole wait until marriage bit, but now I’m not so sure I want to do that. Also, I have had back to back bad experiences with girls growing up so I just don’t bother anymore. Today:Girl seems way more interested in me today than they use to be in high school. People always assume I’m some type of lady magnet but I’m not, far from it. Nowadays if a girls shows interest I don’t really care for it. Girls don’t even give me butterflies anymore or make me nervous or grabs my attention if they walk by. Heck, I’m not really sure if I find girls pretty anymore....sometimes.... mozt times not. Which led me to start wondering.... I’m looking for some candid responses. Bases SOLEY on the QUESTION, not the WHY and TODAY what are your thoughts? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2014): I had a pretty long-term relationship with a guy in his mid-twenties who was a virgin, and I was a little worried that maybe he would have issues getting close to people. We had been friends for a couple months before becoming an item and before I learned he hadn't had sex yet. If I were to let his virginity keep me from becoming closer to him and forming a physical relationship, I wouldn't have learned what a caring lover he was.What I'm trying to say is that I wanted to be with this guy because of his personality and because I was attracted to him. In my limited experience, if your relationship with someone is based on honest appeal and friendship, it doesn't matter if one partner is a virgin or not. When the mutual trust is there, you can help each other learn about your bodies.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): My first thought would be "he will be a really selfish lover". I say this because I've been out with sexually inexperienced men before and been incredibly sensitive and patient and kind - and meant it genuinely - at the time BUT have subsequently realised that they are downright selfish in return. They haven't given two hoots that all my care in making sure that they feel okay leaves me feeling like an unpaid sexual 'educator' who has actually has a horrible time in bed because she is willing to put someone else's needs before her own. Sexually inexperienced men, in my opinion, are lousy lovers who care only for themselves and are so hung up about 'doing it right' that the 'doing it right' is all about them. I was so naive the first time I met a guy like this, believing over time he would care more about me, but he didn't. I ruled it out as "just him" but then it happened again. The third time was not with a man who was a virgin, but he admitted he lacked sexual experience. He was SO insensitive as a kisser that it never got any further - I've never felt so turned off in all my life.NEVER, ever again would I go out with a sexually inexperienced man - precisely for the reason given here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): Initial thoughts... He is probably socially awkward and does not know how to handle himself with girls. I am 23 and I probably would not want to date someone who is 25 and has never had any experience with girls. I need someone who is experienced, confident, knows how to express himself, and can handle myself properly when it comes to a relationship. That doesn't specifically mean that you don't fit those criteria, but typically at this age girls look for that and guys who have no experience typically look for those qualities.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 May 2014):
 25 year old virgin, be you male or female - it's no strange, weird or odd. It just is. YOU are still you and after sex YOU will still be you.
I know males seem to have more of a stigma by being a virgin, but that is partly because society have told MALES for EONS that he must go forth and spread his seeds. And partly because biology tell males to produce offspring.
And females were supposed to be virgins til marriage, because that was the ONLY way patriarch society could hope to ensure that the husband was also the father of the children.
ACTUAL virginity means nothing in the big picture. IT ONLY means you haven't had sex. THAT is it. Bet you, you haven't sky-dived or climbed Mt. Everest either. DOESN'T mean you are somehow defect.
The whole issue with you and girls though, you need to figure it out. There IS a reason you are so uninterested. And I'm not sure it's about the past experiences with girls growing up - unless they were traumatic. IF they were, you should consider finding a counselor and talk it though, figure out how to move past it. There is a reason you HOLD on to these past experiences. You just need to figure out why.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 I like your confidence. Now gain some sexually. You seem to have a recipe down for attracting women now use it fully! If u r waiting because of a religious reason thats ok but if ur just waiting to be in love n have feeling etc n all that soft bs, get it done. Women will see the waiting as wussy on the surface yea they may say oh great I like that but once they get involved with u they would get either hung up on it or look at you as less masculine. Imo opinion girls save themselves men shouldnt. Sex is sex just enjoy it and keep ur emotions grounded when losing it. Just have fun.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): I was married for 10 years.Ex-husband was a massive porn addict.He never found me attractive.I had to beg him to give me a child for 6 months.So I have a child but not really experienced.There are all sorts in the world. Being a virgin is not a bad thing.From what I read in your post,it seems like you look more at a girl's heart than looks.You just need to find a girl whose heart and personality makes you respond to her physically. Just make sure you find the right person to give it to.Girl or guy,a first time ought to be special.It has got to be with someone who values you as a human being than a body.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (5 May 2014):
Dear OP,
What thoughts come to mind when I hear about that information depends greatly on the guy in front of me. Because that information itself doesn't move me or trigger much thought or emotion. It's a fact like, someone is 25 and unemployed. Well, that happens to a lot of people.
So, the why is really essential, even though that was not part of your question.
If an obese, sad-looking guy with acne across his face is telling me that he is 25 years old, never been in a relationship and a virgin, I will feel pity because I think he probably didn't chose this.
If an arrogant and overly handsome looking guy is telling me the same story, I think he is too difficult and high maintenance to let anyone close.
About your reasons why: Bad experiences are a bad reason to not get involved with people anymore. Because you heighten the chance that when you get old, the bad memories will be the only ones you have.
You made bad experiences in the past, but if you don't start to find a way how to approach people (men or women) again and be able to love, you let those experiences rule your life. And that means you give way too much destructive power to the people who hurt you. You let them take away too much joy. Do they really deserve that power? To take away your happiness and your ability to love? No? Well, then don't give them that power. This doesn't mean you need to lose your virginity. But it means that you need to accept the past and move on to find something better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): Possibly that he is sexually confused or has been?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): 1. He is just shy.
2. Yipeeee!!
Or he is a massive porn addict probably.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): A 25 yr old male virgin who is confident in himself, and happy and proud he has not slept with just anyone because that was his choice, and he cares about his body and soul and wants to save it for someone he WANTS to sleep with.... is VERY cool, attractive and awesome.
A 25 yr old male virgin who has wanted to loose his virginity but hasn't been given the opportunity, not for lack of trying, who is nervous or insecure about the fact he is a virgin.....is unattractive, not cool and reeks of desperation....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): My first thought would be...why is he telling me this? It's not like I go around saying, Hi, I am a 33 year old woman and I have had 2 meaningful relationships and I have had sex with x amount of men. Nice to meet you!
It is really nobody's business and sex and relationships isn't what defines people. I'd rather hear about that person's career, their hobbies and interests, their intellectual pursuits, their beliefs and opinions, their sense of humor, what makes them laugh, what intrigues them, their reactions to everyday things.
If some dude I just met came out and told me that, I'd probably think he has got a major chip on his shoulder and doesn't have very good social skills. Sorry, just being honest...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): By the time sexual / relationship history comes up I'll already know whether I'm attracted to you and whether I see you as my boyfriend material or not.
So I would say it doesn't matter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): I would have to meet you to know, really…first impressions give a lot of info.If a 25-year-old is a virgin, it's for one of two reasons:1. He doesn't want to be a virgin, but he is one because he is socially awkward/has anxiety/has trouble talking to girls etc. etc., or, 2. He is deliberately waiting for love, or for his wife.If you're #2, I would think it's really sweet and would totally be up for waiting till marriage with you, if we dated and had a great relationship.If you're #1, I could still date you but odds are that we might not be compatible because I'm very social and outgoing and tend to attract guys that are the same. (I'm 23, btw).Also…I realized it could be a combination of both 1 and 2, which is fine. There is someone for everyone!!Being a virgin is not a bad thing!
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