A
female
age
36-40,
*aylaChryslerFanCanadaBC
writes:I was out in town yesterday when a friend of the family suddenly stopped me and told me he had something important to tell me.He told me that my 16-year-old brother was in a relationship with a 45-year-old married man who's also a basketball coach at a local university. Apparently this man also has grown-up kids too. He said he'd come out of a local convenience store, and seen him kissing this man in a Toyota sedan in the car park.It's a well-known fact that this man is a basketball coach in university who's won awards for his teaching and is also married with kids too.How could a man in his position sink so low?? And how could my brother do this to his own girlfriend?? yeuch!I thanked him for the info, and asked him where he got it from, and he said it was off my brother, and he was telling me this because he was concerned.I thought my brother had a girlfriend - but it looks like that was a fake relationship.How sick is that?I have told my mum and dad and they're furious with him.Despite this, he's still doing well academically, but I'm worried about why he's in a relationship with a man this old, and a man who's MARRIED!!I have tried to talk to him, but he accused me of being interfering, and told me to f*** off.How could he do this to me?What should we as a family do about this relationship??Kayla
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Whoa kyla!
Cool down. I know how protective sisters can get abt their brothers, but really, girl right now your concern is not "How could he do this to me" BUT ,"What can I do for him". SO, chill.
Now, I don't mince my words and I'm keeping it real.
First, why did you not confront your brother before you told your family??? Aren't siblings meant to be a team united against the mighty tyranny of their parents?? I must say that perhaps this really hurt your brother. Can't say that I blame him!
Second, you chose to believe a 'well meaning' stranger over your own brother??? That is rather disturbing! Do you realise that maybe this well wisher could be fabricating stories? Maybe he made a pass at your brother that your brother turned down and now he wants to get back at him??
Personally, I wouldn't believe strangers right away. Maybe he misunderstood!!!
And, if the man is right and your brother is indeed having an affair with the basketball coach, then this must be a very rocky time for your brother. And he could use some sisterly help, don't you think? I mean think about it, your anger (or your family's anger) will only drive him away, and perhaps into the clutches of similar older men who exploit kids by their show of affection!! Perhaps your brother didn't realize his sexual orientations until recently?
Whatever the cause, I think that you should put your anger away and apologize to your brother for not asking him first. (You truly should have confronted your brother first). Please, put your anger away, and help your parents come to terms with this too. And please give your brother the faith that he deserves. If he still has a girlfriend then let your brother break the story to her.
AS for you, do the right thing, put your anger away and your brother's well being first, and try to be there for him. And before you react, just LISTEN to HIM. Okay. THis is a critical phase of his life, he could use some help.
Tell me how it went... I know that you will handle it.
Best of LUCK
A
female
reader, Loudmouth  +, writes (9 September 2009):
It seems that what you need to do is let the university know. You can tell them annonymously if you would like, but it seems that the school needs to be aware of this situation. This is wrong. If the teacher gets in trouble, the relationship may stop. If this is what you want, I think that it needs to be done. You cannot let him do this to other children.
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