A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll just jump straight into it: I have a really good friend, who I've known ever since I got to university four years ago that I haven't been able to see as often as I have as the years progressed, but every time we see each other, things just feel right, that we really do belong together (to me at least). It may be unhealthy, but I daydream about this girl almost all the time. The problem is that I'm home for the summer and it's like I can't buy a conversation from her. She works full-time, so maybe that is part of it, butI just feel like the distance is killing me. It should be noted that we have had that fateful conversation where I was "friend-zoned", but I believe that things have changed for the better since then. This is going to be my last semester in school coming up, so I really want to tell her how I feel before I lose any chance I've ever had, because I really love her, and I can't imagine my life without her. This is probably going to be an all-or-nothing scenario, where I either get my soulmate or lose an amazing friend, but I'm willing to risk it. Even though I am sure that I'm in love with her, I also have this reoccurring fear in my mind that because I really don't get out much and I'm kind of scared to get out there and date other women (trust me, I've tried and things haven't worked for the better), I may end up being alone for the rest of my life. Sorry for the long read, I guess I didn't really have a question, but I just didn't know who else to talk to. If you have any input, it would be very appreciated
View related questions:
soulmate, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): First of all, please don't say you "love" someone; if you don't have an established relationship. If you have been "friend-zoned," don't push it. She's not that into you.Don't let your desperation force you to believe you can pressure her, or influence her into changing her mind. She is making no effort to encourage you, and you're obsessing over her. Read the wording of your post, and imagine what her reaction might be if she read it. If she doesn't feel the same way; it might be very unsettling for her.Daydreaming about her and claiming love for a person who isn't reciprocating is not healthy. In fact; it is better for her to avoid you, until you get yourself under control.The behavior you're describing sounds too needy.You don't get out much; so you are focusing way too much attention on this one girl. You haven't spent any time with her. Calling her your "soul-mate" doesn't sound like you'll settle for just being friends to me. You want an excuse to stay or get closer, and you will likely creep her out with being too friendly. She is only being polite, as not to hurt your feelings.Get a hold of yourself, dude. You are expressing fear of losing touch with her, and yet you haven't had much success in dating other women. What makes you think you will be able to maintain a relationship if awkwardness and a lack of social skills hasn't worked with other women? I think you need more practice and you must get out more. Work on your self-confidence and social skills. If you can't interact with other women, you aren't ready for her either. You can't magically turn this girl's feelings into love for you. Do not use the "L-word" in her presence. You can't say that about people you aren't even dating.Your post sounds too desperate, and you really need to try to collect your feelings; so you won't be too hurt if she rejects any offer to date you, or be your friend. You are building up too much hope in your mind, you're much too anxious, and I think your behavior will make this girl quite uncomfortable around you. Really, I do.
|
