A
male
age
36-40,
*ayson
writes:I met this girl a while back and we have dated a little, hooked up a couple of times and ive been to her place a few times, but we never went passed kissing and everytime I asked to stay over she refused.I asked her why and she says she broke up with her boyfriend 2 months ago whom she was going out with for 4 years.Now after she told me this, Ive been backing off a little bit because I really like her and I feel I might get hurt if I continue to see her.I know she is still into me because she keeps texting me every second day, nothing sexually insinuating, more like a 'how are you doing' sort of texts.What should I do with this girl? Cos I feel she still hasnt got over her Ex yet (he broke up with her), and Im not sure when she will. Should I continue to see her and try to woo her until she forgets about her Ex?Should I wait? If so, how long?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): I'm afraid there's nothing you can do, you're screwed.
You've gotten her on the rebound and unfortunately the hope of something developing between you and a girl not yet over her ex, is beyond slim.
You need to move on for your own good, this kind of situation will only lead to you getting hurt if you develop feelings for her, because she's just out of a 4 year relationship and I can guarantee you nothing will happen and if it does she'll just feel guilty for using you. Unfortunately you've become her rebound, the person she turned to, to make herself feel wanted and needed again. It's probably not intentional though.
I've gone through this a few times, (yeah it took me a while to cop on)
There's two ways you can do this, you can play the "nice guy" and be there for her in the futile hope that she'll be capable of starting something with you in the future, or you can move on and find a girl that's not on the rebound.
If you're able to keep your feelings in check and remain friends with her then that's great but rebounds are a big mess and the best way I've found of solving them is to just move on.
These kind of things only work out in movies, in reality though she's nowhere near ready to get into another relationship and by the time she is, she'll have built a relationship with you such that she won't want to take a chance with you as she wont want to ruin what you have.
A
female
reader, HollywoodGrace  +, writes (15 December 2009):
Be patient with her. Break ups are painful. It's not that she's not over her ex because she's with you. She's probably afraid of being hurt so you need to take your time with her and she needs to trust you first. She will open up and be more comfortable around you when she is ready. If you care about her wait as long as it takes. If you're there for her for at least about a year you should start to see a difference. I know because I am a girl who has been through this. And I guy broke up with me because he said I wasn't over my ex, but the truth is I didn't trust him not to hurt me.
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