A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My family is pretty normal, my parents are still together and I have a brother. We get on fine. But a few days ago, my mum goes away on business trips over night alot. My mum left for 5 days a few days ago. That night my brother went to a sleepover and I arrived home at about 10.00 from my friends house and let myself In. I heard noises upstaires, my dad was in his bedroom with a lady. The next day I looked at his phone. Texts and calls from different ladies, iblooked at his pictures and there were pictures of girls naked and touching themselves. They were in the like camera pictures file... I am shocked and disgusted. I don't know what to do. Do I tell my mum? I'm confused and sickened. I can't take this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): I have to completely agree with Jessica and Gingseng. I am looking at your age and I am wondering though, how easy you can talk to your Dad? If you can talk openly to him, is it possible for you to calmly sit your Dad down and tell him what you know? You do have hurt feelings and you should feel safe talking to your Dad. It's plain you are concerned as he's doing something that this could very well blow up your whole family. Find your strength and use it. He's being an uncaring, selfish Dad and husband and doing an very, very irresponsible, unloving thing to his family. Family is not all about 'just him'. His crappy actions will affect everyone and will deeply hurt Mom. It's quite possible she may know...hun, sometimes women who are wives can sense infidelity a mile away. She may be dealing with it quietly.
However...you do have the right to say to Dad, how you found out all this information and how this is making you feel. And he needs to stop and listen. I for one, think it would be good for Dad to feel remorseful, and he needs to know what you know. He needs a psychological 'kick in the butt' in order to come to his senses. Your words might knock some sense into his head. And even on the off chance that Mom is aware of his affairs and is tolerating it...it's quite another thing for him to to the harsh reality that that his "own daughter knows, and that she is very disappointed and has lost respect for him". That might be the motivation he needs to get his act together. He needs to be forced to take responsibility for the future possibility of 'blowing up his family' with his infidelities and you might have more impact than your Mother ever would. (if Mom knows).
If you can't do this face to face with Dad, write him a letter and tell him exactly how you feel about what he is doing. But irregardless of whether you talk to him directly or you write him a note, you need to remember, that you can only speak and use your voice. There is no guarantee that you will 'make' Dad rethink his bad behaviors. Sadly, it's his marriage, his life and no one can stop him from ruining it. It's just sad, that when one person acts out like this, how he ruins the harmony and solid base of family...and causes duress and so much unhappiness to the lives of so many who love him.
I am sorry. Such a huge burden for someone as young as you, isn't it. But Dad does need to know that you know...and he needs to clean up his act. Good luck and I wish you strength. Take care, sweety
A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Talk to your dad first. Tell him he has the choice: Either he can break the news to your mom and start going to counseling with her for his problems, or you will tell her yourself.
And don't be intimidated by him just because he is your father. Let him know that you know everything and will call him out on it if he doesn't take steps to fix things.
And then of course, be there for your mom in the end.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): Often, people hear the muddled voices of others through a wall and see the shapes of others through a screen, but just as often, we may not necessarily know what is really going on. Instead of bringing it up with your mom, try confronting your dad first. As devastating as this may be, the relationship is between your dad and your mom. If we label it, you are more of a witness than a victim. Even then, what your dad had done may be 'wrong', but are you absolutely sure he is purely in the wrong?For clarity, there is not just one reason why a person may choose to act on something like this. There could be many reasons. Either justifiable, reasonable or contrary, the path of least resistance lies at the source directly with what you've witnessed and not with what it may be associated to.A war is better won or lost with the least amount of battles.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2009): That's so horrible. What a terrible burnden for you to bare. I don't think it is fair or right (on yourself or your mother)that you keep this a secret.
This must be really hard for you.
You can write me an email if you want to talk about it more.
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