A
female
age
30-35,
*reakmia
writes:So I'm feeling my bf is pulling away from me, I think he is just not that interested in me as he did before. We've been together for 8 months, and last week we talked about break up, he clearly wants to be real close friend if break up, like he wants to hangout all the time, talk on msn or by txt msg and flirt. And he said he wanted to be like a big brother to me and help me out if I have problems.But I really don't want to lose him, he said he still loved me and he can be with me forever if I want, but he just feel not fair for me, cause he loves me more than a really close friend but not as much as a gf. I guess it's because since we are so familiar with each other right now and the honeymoon period is over so all the passion we had has just faded away. But neither of us has ever been in a long term relationship before, what exactly is happening? What should I do to save our relationship?
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (10 September 2011):
 Yeah, just stop contacting him. Hang out with other people. Catch up with friends you haven't spoken to in a while. This sends him the message that you are a strong person who does not need him. If he does really love you, your absence will give him the space to miss you and realize these feelings of love for you, if he does still have them. If he meant what he said, that he only feels as a good friend to you, then for you to move on from him would be the best way forward. Hanging on to a sinking ship will only prolong the inevitable. You will make it harder on yourself the longer you stay.
It may be very hard, but officially breaking up is the best thing to do here. I think it would be best if you initiate it. He said what he said so tell him that if that is how he truly feels, you regret that this has to happen because you did truly love him, but you can't wait around if he doesn't feel the same. It's not fair on you for him to pretend to be your boyfriend when he only sees you as a good friend. So for this reason you are moving on with your life.
I know it will be very hard and but a clean break is the hardest but best for the long run. He will respect you for your courage and self-respect if you do this. And IF, just IF he didn't really mean what he said, for example if he just doesn't understand the more comfortable kind of love that comes with long term relationships - your exit will shock him into realizing that he is actually losing you and he may stop you from doing so.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, breakmia +, writes (9 September 2011):
breakmia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMaybe I should just consider him as a friend for a while without breakup with him? Stop bugging him so much and initiating dates?
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (9 September 2011):
Yeah back off from him. I know you really love him, but you can get over those feelings with time. If you do as he has suggested - just be friends - then if it IS meant to be he will realize he made a mistake and will want to make it more than friends. But just think - you deserve someone who will really love you and will want to stick by you no matter what. So this guy doesn't deserve your love. Move on and you will be free to find someone who does deserve you and will give you the love you deserve. It's a shame he doesn't feel the same way as you, but sometimes that is just the way it goes, and maybe a few months or a couple of years down the line you will look at him and think "I am glad we are not together, we are so wrong for each other or I am so glad we split up because now i am with someone who is so much better for me and i am so happy". Honestly, this has happened to me. I was devastated when my first ex broke up with me but I could not imagine being with him now, I've found someone who suits me better. It was not meant to be. Just be greatful for the fun times you did have.
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A
female
reader, breakmia +, writes (8 September 2011):
breakmia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI Understand what you said, i just love him so much.. And I think he was so ready when we first start dating, he was the clingy one at first but suddenly our roles just exchanged, I think maybe I was being too clingy that repelled him? Maybe I should give him some space and stop bombing all those txts to him and wait for him to come to me? I really don't want to lose him..
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A
female
reader, Stucknthemoment  +, writes (8 September 2011):
Honestly there could be a number of reasons that he feels that way. I had a bf for 5 years before we started to date. We dated 1 yr and it went drown the drain. We were better off as friends than in a relationship. Relationships can be hard for some people and some people aren't either ready or don't want to ruin what y'all have as friends. I believe if he was madly inlove ofcourse he wouldn't want you as just a friend. maybe he just doesn't want to hurt you and not ready. It's better to be honest than to lie and stay with you and turn around and hurt you. I see your age is 18-21 and if so.... Hey take it as a grain of salt , be his friend and have fun with your life and girlfriends! Don't look for love, let it come find you and enjoy your young 20's. I hope I answered anything you were looking for in your question.
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