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female
,
anonymous
writes: Please help. I am a gay male happily married for 4 years to a wonderful lady. She has always had insecurity issues, thinks I don't love her enough, etc. I have never cheated on her since we've been married, but now she gives me a hard time everytime I want to spend time with my friends (male or female). If I appear to be paying too much attention to other people when we are out at parties, she will get mad with me. What should I do to reassure her that I like being married and have no intention of being unfaithful? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sunrise  +, writes (3 March 2007):
 Hi, you sound such a lovely sincere man, i assume she knew you were 'gay' when you married, either way, are you sure you are gay? the reason i ask is that i'm a woman who believes that people fall for other people,i've fell for both, it wasn't a conscious thing, i just enjoyed their company and things progressed from there, each relationship i've had has been serious and lasted several years, not one night stands, if this describes you better than labelling yourself gay then you have to explain this to your wife, hopefully it will make her a little more secure in your relationship. If she wants to she can get in touch with me and i will try to reassure her because if this is the only problem you have in your relationship it would be a real shame for things to go wrong. lots of luck to you both x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): She is obv. unhappy in your marriage as she is trying to hold on to something that is not real....you are gay - how are you happily married to heterosexual female? Your wife is tortured by trying to live in this sham & her confidence is suffering...do yourselves a favour & admit to eachother what it is you really want & if you cant come through for eachother its time to move on.
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A
female
reader, lelyvs2131  +, writes (23 February 2007):
I honestly believe there is nothing you can do to change her mind. I've suffered with those kinds of issues myself, and it all boils down to the fact the women like your wife and I have self-esteem problems. At the time I'm going through wrough waters also with my husband, and it all boils down to my self-esteem. You need to tell her, you need to address these issues head on today - before a become a bigger problem. Also she might be missing something from you and she's just not telling you. You need to comunicate ASAP. Don't wait for the problem to become and ocean of issues like I did w/ my husband. Good luck...Also buy her this book, "Joel Osteen Your Best Life Now" although it's based on God and I don't know your religion - it has helped me overcome some of my self-esteem issues tremendously.
I hope she realizes what she's doing and the damage she's causing...
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