A
male
age
41-50,
*nizou
writes:I have known my wife for the 8 years and we have been married for 3. We have two beautiful boys aged 4 and 2. Ever since the birth of the second child, our sex life has gone down hill. If I don't ask for sex she will never give, and when I do ask it feels as if I am forcing her. I have raised this issue with her before and she has promised to change but a day or two later it goes back to the routine. Nowadays she works overtime a lot and the thought of being rejected holds me back whenever I want sex. Kissing is not a turn for me anymore as she does it to get it out of the way. When I try some foreplay she acts uninterested and that immediately turns me off. I'm at wits end, help!!!!! What should I do to get my wife interested in sex again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I think you really should think of how to make her life easier. Having 2 young children is a full time job, but to have overtimes is rediculus. She is probably terribly exausted. We, women have to be pampered, then we'll be very willing in bedroom. All she wants to do is rest when she gets to bed. Men are stronger physically, they have to understand that, also women has to take care of everything else and go to work. Too much. I guess there is a choice:extra cash or sex.
A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Your wife is very tired and probably suffering from a mild form of post natal depression. This happened to me and I lost total interest in sex. If my husband even came near me I hated it as I felt he was taking precious sleep or rest time away from me and he wanted me to do one more thing after I had had a busy day. Working a lot and looking after two young children is severely stressful and debilitating at times. My advice would be take her to the doctors even though she won't want to go ( I didn't ) and see if the doctor can prescribe something for her. I went on like this for 5 years before I acknowledged there was a problem so see if you can help her and sort this out as soon as you can. There are things the doctors can prescribe to increase her libido and help her feel more lively generally. She is lucky she has such a caring husband. Whatever you do though don't try and force her into having sex just treat her kindly, help out as much as you can and let her get a lot of rest.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Your problem reminds me of the saying by Antoine De Saint-Exupery: "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye".
I think you should try and bring the romance back into your marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Well for starters stop pressurising her in any way as she will sense your frustration. It may be that your wife is feeling un-sexy, worn out and generally a bit depressed with life so it can build resentment and the pressure of having to 'pretend' she feels ok about herself during sex is just too much for her to comprehend.
The best thing you can do is stop thinking about sex being the goal and think about love being the goal. When a woman feels loved, cherished, pampered etc she feels good about herself. Her damaged self esteem, for whatever reason, is your starting point. See how you can make her life fun again - this may involve practical things like you two getting away for a weekend on your own or just taking the strain off housework and creating you two some time to sit and chat - get snuggly it doesn't have to be about sex. Be planned but appear to her to be spontaneous. Gradually I believe she will feel desirable again and in turn the sex will return. Don't forget to communicate how much you love her, take time to listen and if she looks great - say so!
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