A
female
age
26-29,
*osee
writes:What should I do to get my normal social life back and why is he doing it?I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago becuz of his jealousy. We were together for 10 months and are each other's first love.He's been hostile towards me and accusing me of hurting his feelings by talking to other guys a couple days after the break up. It sounded so ridiculus for his accusation of things like me commenting on my guy friend(not even his friend,he stalked me) on FB and having casual convo with friends in school. The worst yet to come was he accused me of stealing his friends.Some of his guy friends are actually my friends before we went out. I stopped talking to them becuz of his controlling behavior. Now I'm not with him and of course I will talk to them, but not like flirting or trying to date them. Just normal friends.He placed a bro-code on all our mutual guy friends that they are not allowed to be friends with me. Some of them he has become close friends after the break up. I have a feeling that he's making the bro circle bigger by doing it. He just wanted to wreck me.He hates me and I know it cuz he glares at me when I said hi. I want to have a peaceful life just to be a normal teenager again but my friends are being told not to contact me. They either stop talking to me in school or have to talk to me secretly by texting. This sucks. He is still dictating my life like we were in a relationship...What can I do? I'm a social person and I'm depressed everyday to see my life is controlled by someone like that....Help!
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female
reader, losee +, writes (17 February 2012):
losee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again. But he was a nice guy though.. I am not going to ignore this behavior and I will keep an eye on it, keep my parents informed. If this gets big, I will seek help. But for the moment, I will give him some time to cool down..and his friends i.e. my friends too are nice guys too. They will not hurt me or anything but just stop talking to me in front of him. Most of them actually text me almost everyday. They know that I'm a good friend.I think he needs help on his side. He twisted the truth about my actions and got drown in it. He was controlling and I think he still wants to control me by using our friends instead of me since I am out of his control.Let me tell you more about him, maybe that explains his behaviorsHe was kinda a loner, only have a few friends but people do like him cuz he's nice. He sometimes behaves a little out of control in class, like a clown type, sometimes annoying according to people in his class(we have no classes together cuz I'm in IB). He met me last year and got my attention by being nice and consistent, I chose him out of whole bunch of guys that were after me. I am the chairlady of the ASB and a straight A student and I have a lot of friends. A lot of people were shocked about our relationship and some even said I'm out of his league. He told me he was proud to have me.He became known to a lot of people becuz of dating me. It was good for the first few months but things got bad when he started to be jealous and controlling. He wouldn't let me talk to some guys and told me not to wear certain outfit. Wouldn't let me go to the swim for the end of school year activity even I said I would wear a t-shirt over my bikini. Always got mad at me for little things and got sad sometimes when I hung with my girlfriends. It was stressful and I felt trapped. Talked to him many times but he couldn't change. He said he couldn't control his jealousy and always thought that I would choose some other guys over him. Hated guys talk about me or looked at me. I finally chose to leave him becuz he was not as nice sometimes, he is moody and his grades were going down. I tried to help him with his grades but he didn't really care. Got in trouble and being stupid in class. I thought this relationship wasn't going anywhere so yeah, I ended it.He might think I have taken everything away from him since I was almost the only one he hung with during the 10 months. He spent 90% of time with me(I never asked for it). Once I left, his world was not the same anymore. I think he just didn't know how to take it back and was scared I would destroy him?? I don't know... I just have that in mind and hope that it will be gone soon....Do you think this is gonna be temporary? OR you still think it will escalate?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): No it is that big. Thats how bullies get away with it. Dad has an old mind set about a bully. What this Ex is doing is called harassment, he is using intimidation, and will continue because no one is standing up to him.
In Canada, there are bylaws against such behaviours because its a growing trend that does in fact escalate to greater crimes. They have linked bullying to violent crimes and gangs to we now put a stomp to bullying.
Two months and he is STILL acting this way? Its not going away, its getting worse. He is not enlisting others to ill treat you.
Its out of hand and needs to be addressed.
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A
female
reader, losee +, writes (17 February 2012):
losee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your reply Chalice. My parents knew it and of course they don't like it but my dad said he is just being an immature boy handling a first break up. Is that that serious? I'm concern now. What is the bottom line of a bully and just acting out for a little? If I make this big, will people think I'm just overreacting over a teenager drama?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): Tell Mom and Dad and tell your in school counsellors. He is being a bully and his behaviour, in Canada, would have him kicked from school as it is menancing and enfringinges on your safety and freedom to an education in a safe environment.
Also confide in a Family doctor. That his behaviour is escalating as documenting this will aid in, what hopefully will not turn out to be, stalking/abusive unhealthy obsession to the point your health declines significantly.
Thats the three things you can do for yourself ASAP to get back your life from a hateful, abusive, controlling, obsessive EX.
Hang in there Kiddo!
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