A
male
age
30-35,
*eedhelp12
writes:Well me and my girlfriend have been going out for a year n a month now. We both love each other Both still virgins n respect each other. We are both 17 :)She attractive,hot,beautiful n has a great bodyWell couple of years ago one of her "friends" tried to 'do stuff' to her that she didn't want so basically tried to rape her. She didn't tell anyone but her close friend (girl) and when she never told her parents, her friend did, they went to a court case but she was to scared to do anything,Well this friend that tried to rape her threatened her by saying that he'll hurt everyone that she loved family friend etc.Ever since then she's had couple of Boyfriend but never last cause of they assualted/did stuff etc to her. She doesn't trust anyone anymore, She doesn't trust me fully yet only cause deep down she thinks i will do somethink but then again she knows i wont EVER hurt her, and i NEVER will.She told me everything ever since we started going out n i am completely 100% supporting n willing o do anything for her.She's been having nightmare about the first guy hurting her,raping her,hurting her friends n even him trying to hurt me,(His 18 btw), depressedWell lately that guy has been doing the V thing with with fingers (licking the vagina traunt thing), saying stuff about her n its really been putting her down and really upset. She doesn't like me calling her gorgeous, pretty or anything about how she looks n everyone has told her that she does.(well her friends,family,n other ppl, even other guys at school have been firting n trying to hit on her while we have been going out)This has been making her 'feel dirty', everytime we do stuff that she wants to do n try n get over it n i understand if she doesn't wanna do anything, we talked about sex n we bothed agreed not now maybe later cause off she not trusting. Well the other day at school she come to me n started crying n explained what has been going on the last week cause we didn't talked very much that week cause she has been going thru a rough time with that boy n her friends putting there troubles on her shouldersshe knows im at 100% supporting her, loving her, Arms open n willing to help her not matter what.Well i was wondering what should i do too get her to tell her feeling to me or someone else instead of keeping them bottled up inside. Everything is slowly breaking her n i hate seeing her upset. We have been working to help her get over everything but that boy has been bothering her. What should i do??? How can i make her start feeling more good about herself, ive done so many things to do this n its worked but lately it has. (btw the stuff we have done is only oral,finger n rubbed against each other lol)SORRY FOR SO MUCH INFORMATION. i needed to give u's the fullish story about what happened
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male
reader, Needhelp12 +, writes (28 August 2008):
Needhelp12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni go shopping with her every wednesday cause we both have our days off school due to we being in yr 11. n we live in a hole lol called lithgow in NSW
n ok i will :S
A
male
reader, Needhelp12 +, writes (27 August 2008):
Needhelp12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx Spirit_Of_Iona What you said about this part "I suspect there will be questions going around your girlfriends head like "did I do something to lead him on" or "maybe I shouldn't have gone with him to 'x' place" or "was I wearing the wrong clothes" on top of the guilt will be the shame, I suspect (but don't know) she will be thinking what other people are saying behind her back, especially if this guy is Mr Charming and Mr Cool with everyone, she may begin then to question her version of events and the more she thinks about it the more upset she will get." is some of the things she does think about n she tells me. She thinks she's fat/aweful/ doesn't like how she look like.Thanx
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A
male
reader, Needhelp12 +, writes (27 August 2008):
Needhelp12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanx both of you.
Me n couple of her friends (close close friend) n her family have gotten her to see a counsellor couple of times.
She has trouble going to the police or counsellor about it mainly cuase she was very very close with this guy n he broke her trust by doing this n that is what hurts her the most. Not matter what he does she still thinks its not his fault but all of it is n i've told her everythin that u've basically told me to her.
Plus the other trouble is his done it to more ppl after her n she still can't say anything she knows that she needs to say somethink n get the other girls to say it to but she can't. She blames herself for EVERYTHING that has happened to her and the other girls when its not her fault.
We take the sexual stuff really slow. We never do anymore that she doesn't want to do or what i want to do that will make her freak out. We only just started doing it like 3months ago n it doesn't bother me how slow we go i dont care if we dont have sex. SEX ISN'T EVERYTHING IN A RELATIONSHIP. she freaks out we stop. n just play games.
But thanx for the information. most of it was what i was expecting to hear
THANX.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2008): Vow, I have empaty with you both; this must be very difficult for yo to deal with; seeing her hurting like that; I think you are a very caring person and I am so happy that you are there for her; she needs a good friend like you to help and support her;
It is so sad that she had to suffer this traumatic ordeal; that the guy is still bothering her is making it worse;
I suggest she needs post trauma counseling; (E.S.R is normally very effective for Past Trauma; Using Emotional Stress Release is excellent in defusing the effects of the experience so that they have a lesser impact on us in the present and future.
With the correct treatment; the guy will have a lesser infuence on her and she will be able to cope with it much better;
HOwever, I do suggest that he should be reported to the authorities for harrasment, but that might scare her at this stage; FIRST get her counseling and then when she feels stronger it might be worth reporting him or she might be able to ignore him without it effecting her.
E.S.R. (Emotional Stress Releae) for Past Trauma can be done by most doctors and counselors. It is a wonderful and very effective form of treatment for situations such as hers.
Give her lots of love and yeah, you will need lots of patience.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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