A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are having a major problem and I come to you for help. We've been married almost 3 years, no children. He wanted to separate for a bit and so I agreed. I went to go stay at my dads. Out of hurt and anger I told him I would be filing for divorce, but I wasn't going to do that. The whole separation period lasted about 3 months. Well I would find out that while we were separated, he started seeing someone. I was devastated about this. He had slept with her in our bed that we shared a number of times. I just felt sick that he started sleeping with someone else. He told me he didn't think we would ever work things out and that we were going to divorce, so he had no choice but to try and move on. But I mean it was only a couple of weeks after we separated that he started seeing someone and I just think that's not right. Anyways the point of the story is, is that we have decided to work on things. I have moved back in and we have been trying hard. The problem with me is that this just doesn't feel right anymore. The thought of him having had sex in our bed with someone else really bothers me. I asked him if he had feelings for the woman and he said he did care about her and like her, but didn't want to be with her and that he made a terrible mistake in seeing her for as long as he did. He seems genuine in wanting to work on our marriage, tells me how much he loves me, etc. but it's like the special connection we had as a married couple is no longer there after this happened. I wouldn't classify it as cheating because we were separated and he thought everything was over, but I feel betrayal in some way. What would you do if you were in this situation?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2016): Ive been in this situation before and you need to get a why.. You need to bridge that communication and then figure out why it got to where it got. It might come out that he wanted to try someone else and put you on the side. Are you okay with that? Marriage is tough and you got to work at it. If everytime you have this problem he wants to go on a break and "see other people"? Does that seem right? Get a why. Then search your feeling. Can you make it work with him? Remember soul mates are made, not found. Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 Been there, done that. I would get a divorce. This on and off thing is not good for you. Once someone says he wants to separate, he can't expect things to go back to where they were at the beginning. A separation with no intention to work things out after cooling down the temper is just a postponement of the inevitable, the final break up. Let's not kid yourselves that you had both wanted out 3 months ago. You are just hanging onto the familiarity and the routine.
At the end, no problem was solved because the problem that led you to the last separation is still there. Having another woman just adds to another one.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 May 2016):
 I don't think I would be able to go back to him. At the end of the day he wanted the separation, has he ever told you why? It sounds like there was no time between you and this woman, is it possible that this is the reason he wanted to separate? I can see why it feels like he did not cheat, however you where both still married, and it was all so new. I think he knew rightly what he was doing.
He might have saw that the grass is not greener on the other side and got back with you, but the thing is the damage is done, when you lie in your bed you know he was intimate with another women their, you know when you where at your dads grieving he was having fun with another woman, I am not sure how you could ever get over that.
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