A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, got a question about my breakup. I'm 19, he's 21.Been seeing a guy for just over a month now. Decided properly around a couple of weeks ago that I really wanted this to work. We both agreed that he would come stay with me for a week as soon as he had the money to do so. This sounds really cliche, especially as I haven't been with him long but I thought he was perfect for me...we just seemed to click and I cared for him so much so fast probs because of his issues (eating disorder, depression) and we'd spoken about him moving in with me if he liked staying with me for the whole week and that was the plan.Anyway, all of that is now void. We occasionally argued... basically because I worry alot which causes us to argue and other little things as well.What put our relationship on the rocks though was something so silly but it really got to me. Basically he keeps asking me to send dirty pics and dirty texts when I'm not with him and I'm not comfortable with this and I have repeatedly told him that I will not do it. I've sent a few dirty texts but he always asks for more and then the next day he'll say something like 'you never sent any :(' - when I did, they just weren't satisfying enough for him so I obviously feel pissed off that he's acting childish... and the dirty pics.. I've told him I will not send him pics like that until a long while into the relationship and he said that was fair enough but he was still asking pretty much daily or sending guilt trip messages about it. So all of my anger has been slowly brewing I guess because he won't accept me as I am and just makes me feel like crap by guilt tripping me. So yesterday he did it again and I just lost it. I snapped and said 'I will never be able to do it, find someone else if you want it so badly' and then he like got all hurt and was like 'i would never say that to you' and didnt speak to me all day and then we like spoke about it and i told him everything and we came to the conclusion that i overreacted and he didnt even admit that he ignored me or anything. he just said that i shouldn't have gone about it in the way i did which was probably true but how else could i get it through to him that he was making me feel super useless and uncomfortable. So since this whole argument of him being like 'you hurt me so badly i'm not sure i can do this anymore' blah blah blah i ended up basically losing all respect for myself and said that i want him, love him and would do anything for him to forgive me.... then he was being so childish saying things like 'we dont always get what we want' but i still carried on trying to get him back like the idiot i am and then the next day he was like 'i need some time' so i said ok and then i saw responses to a thread online of this woman saying the exact same thing as me and all the responses were saying how he's said that because he wants to move on and he's found someone else so i straight out asked him if he found someone else and that if he really loved me he wouldnt need time, no matter how much i hurt him and he was just like saying how he wasnt looking for anyone else and i just said to him that i think it's cruel what he's doing. i pleaded to him and he's like 'i need time' - makes me feel so shit so we spoke more, he said that he still had feelings for me but he still hurts so bad so basically saying he doesn't want me so eventually i was just like 'well you know what, fuck this then. i'm done trying' so that's what i did. and he asked if it was 'properly over' and i said yes because he doesn't know what he wants and then he just said 'fine' and we haven't spoken since.So what do i do now. I do NOT want to message him. I'm trying so hard. I've shown him I love him and i've given him a chance to just say what he wants but i feel like he's punishing me for what i said and he won't say. Is it silly for me to wait and hope that he says something... that he does want me... that he was in the wrong as well? Am I deluding myself? I'm going insane. I have him as a contact on my phone and on facebook. Should I remove him from both? I really don't wanna do that just incase he changes his mind and stops being childish but at the same time I don't want to give myself false hope if it's not likely that he'll speak to me ever again. Please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much. I completely agree.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 July 2012):
 Yes, remove him from your phone and your facebook, block him so that he cannot contact you.
I am so glad you did not give in to his unsubtle attempts to emotionally blackmail you into acting contrary to your wishes, ie sending dirty pics. I was horrified recently to be shown a pic sent by a woman in her 40s to a man she was involved with. I bet when she was sending pics she never knew who would be looking at them.
You have absolutely no idea what is going to happen to those pics.
He sounds like one of those who will never admit they are in the wrong but instead will shift all the blame onto you. The title of your question is what to do post breakup. First, be grateful it happened before he wore you down enough to act as he wished, even though you didn't want to. Then block his sorry self on phone and facebook. Also tighten up your security on facebook to ensure he can't come sneaking in via a back door.
Contact your friends, have a cry, have a good old moan, get it out of your system and then start rebuilding your life post dipstick, one step after the other, one day at a time.
Good luck!
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