A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been hooking up with this guy for the past 7 years on and off. Last year I found out he had a kid. I did the math that sas in one of our 'on' moments. I still love him but it hurts still after all this time. Help! What should I do? Just be his friend with no benefits, leave him alone...? What? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI Really Agree With The Post That Said Y Am I Putting Up With This For The Past 7yrs.ive Been Wondering That For A While Now. Also Thanx 2 Who Wrote If Looking 4 A Relationship Fwb Is Nt The Way 2 Go. Thanx 2 All!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2008): Hi, I dated a guy who had a girl orbiting in his life just like you, someone who was a fuck buddy for the past four years, and I did not know it.....when she got word of me, she confronted me a couple of times, first by phone and then once in person....my boyfriend always reasssured me that she was absolutely nuts and that she was not his girlfriend......but you know what we recently broke up and two days later he was calling her and now she is calling him all of the time and they are up to there old bullshit....4 years of this stupid behavior!
I can tell you that having a relationship like this keeps both of you stuck, you can't move forward and you really don't have much of a relationship, you are not what each other wants and there is just the bond of sex and a shared history of a crappy relationship between the two of you.
It ruined my relationship with my boyfriend, and I was in love with him for sure....I hate that he has this woman to run to and he never has to face himself and be alone, or grow up for that matter. Having her keeps him from really having to focus on someone else that he is dating, it is a sad state of affairs and in my opinion very codependent...the relationship is sort of set up to punish each other all of the time, she gets jealous and she isn't his girlfriend, never was and she retaliates by talking bad about him to me....and yet he doesn't get rid of her completely she is ALWAYS in the background of his life, and she fills his head with so much bullshit that it is utterly amazing that he can think for himself....she has borderline personality disorder which makes her ripe for this kind of shallow, drama filled relationship.
Why are you settling for this for the last 7 years?
What is it about you that holds onto a guy who doesn't really love you, but is willing to string you along in between girlfriends so he can have some regular sex? What do you get out of it besides sex, seems that your emotions are also involved and you are jealous, you don't love him, you just don't want anyone else to take him away from you or have him either.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): You have confused the popular 'friends with benefits' with the status of an actual girlfriend. You are not in love with your friends, nor jealous when they are involved with someone else. I personally think the whole 'friends with benefits' thing is an attempt to bring dignity and self-respect to a situation that is inherently totally lacking in either.
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