A
female
age
22-25,
*eedsFixing
writes:So, I have loved my best friend of over 5 years basically since I met her. We just had one of those instant connections and became best friends the second we sat next to each other in class. Both of us went back and forth about liking each other but not wanting to ruin our friendship for YEARS, because we cared that much about our friendship, it was very strong. So we each had boyfriends/girlfriends and it always caused a little bit of tension between us, but nothing major. Finally in May of 2015 we decided we wanted to try dating. It was wonderful. We had so much fun, a deep connection, we understood each other. However, her parents are very strict and she never told them about us because she's just really terrified of them. This always made our relationship a little bit of a struggle. But there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. So, in May of 2016 she broke it off with me. Because she met a cute guy at work and wanted to "have fun" (our relationship was too serious, or too difficult I guess, even though her relationship with her parents is what made it so). SHe changed everything about herself to try to be with him, but he didn't want her, so she came back and admitted she knew she messed up "what could have been the love of her life"- but I was still too hurt and told her she was just lonely and to get lost. Two weeks later she had a new boyfriend and things progressed pretty quickly with them. So 4 months into their relationship, we ran into each other on our college campus, it was raining and she didn't have a coat or umbrella, so I ran up to her with mine and we walked to class and talked and laughed like no time had passed. After this, she texted me and was really weird. She missed me, but ONLY as a friend, she was really happy with him, etc. but something seemed off. Her boyfriend has been caught by other people multiple times flirting and talking to other girls and bad mouthing my ex behind her back. Apparently, my ex knew nothing about this and I was the first to tell her. She was sad but didn't end things. She kept saying me and her should run away together "as friends". A few weeks after this encounter, we'd hung out a few times and talked every day, she cut me off because she didn't want to make the new boyfriend "sad", he's the type to play victim and always says he's mad because of the connection my ex and I share. So anyways, now, around 3/4 months later I've been missing her like crazy, and we messaged each other at almost the same time saying we missed each other. Through this conversation, she said that she thinks she and I are soulmates somehow, but she wishes it was her boyfriend because she can't break up with him because "making him sad isn't an option". She said "some people just have to settle and I'm okay that it's me" after telling me that she misses and loves me, and also wishes she could be on her own since she really only spent a few weeks alone between our relationship and her new one. I'm heartbroken because I love her to bits. And, the boyfriend is a year younger than us so there will be distance involved soon and he's just on a different level of maturity all together- she said they have an expiration date.I've done everything in my power: I've changed my school schedule, I'm getting a job out of state this summer so I don't have to be miserable here around her- but she still has a hold on my heart. And apparently I have a hold on hers too, but she never made it clear whether it was a "just friends" thing or not.For just friends, is this normal behavior? If we obviously have a connection, shouldn't we try, I try? Once he's out of the picture/she's not around him? Please help, I'm really torn up and have no idea what to do. Thanks, aunts!
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female
reader, GaldemWag1  +, writes (23 February 2017):
I think your best friend needs to come to terms with her sexuality whether she's gay straight or heterosexual and I'm assuming you both being girls is why her parents were difficult?Soulmates doesn't mean you have to be romantically or sexually involved. I view my best friend as my soul mate as I love her irrefutably but not in a romantic way. Soul mates cane be MATES. I'll always love her more than any partner I believe and maybe you two are the same.I'm also in love with my male best friend but things won't ever work out between us yet I am also so enthralled with him it's putting a stain on any other relationships. But I know once we go to separate University's that distance will distance my feeling. Maybe you need to try physical distance to create that emotional distance between you two.You are also very young. There's billions of people in the world and I believe there is probably hundreds and thousands of "soul mates" out there too. You're friend will be filled with regret if she settles but that doesn't mean you have too.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2017):
 The best thing you can do OP? Is block her and cut her off. WISH her well if you need to, but CUT the contact 100%.
YOU need to work on getting over her and SHE needs to focus on her relationship OR being single. EITHER. Not use you for an emotional connection. Soul mates or not. Right now what SHE is doing is just plain wrong, towards TWO guys. YOU nd her BF. Doesn't matter if he is immature or a year younger... SHE chose to date him. And by keeping emotions between you and HER "alive" and fanning those flames, she is holding YOU back from moving on and she is NOT putting effort into her relationship in the same way as she SHOULD be doing. She is living in the past emotionally yet STAYING with the guy. THAT is NOT just because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings, SHE wants to be with him. For now.
Sounds like she is a little bit of a flake. She wants to DATE all these guys, but she also wants the "freedom" of being single, YET get all her emotional needs met by guys INCLUDING you. Not really fair. Bt not really strange for a girl her age. (or boy).
YOU two are not friends. You can try and fool yourself, she can try and fool HERSELF - but facts are you are BOTH still emotionally invested in each other.
And OP? IT IS quite possible to REALLY care about someone you can't be with. NOT because they have another partner, but because they are at a different stage in their life than you. It happens.
DO NO sit around and WAIT for her to dump him. Because there is no certainty that she wants to get back with you. I don't think she is quite ready for a SERIOUS relationship. She probably won't be for YEARS. SO don't waste YOUR time waiting for that to happen.
She isn't a bad person or anything, she is JUST not that mature when it comes to emotions and how to treat others. She is MORE focussed on herself and HER needs. Again, not strange for someone your age group.
So wish her well, LET HER GO. And set yourself free to pursue YOUR dreams and meeting new people. And DO not date til you feel you are OVER her. Not fair on a new girl to have to "compete" with some "blast from the past" or "soul mate" thing.
The more you keep in contact the LONGER it will take for you to feel the way you do right now. Broken hearted.
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