A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been having a huge crush on my male coworker. Sometimes I feel he drops hints and signs of liking me too. He always smiles when he sees me and always says hi. I've also always felt him staring at me from afar and across the room. He's so helpful and I feel like he's always there for me. Whenever we have a conversation, he has a sweet tone and he always acts in a gentlemanly manner towards me. There's always a warmth in him and I feel he may have some feelings for me but can't tell for sure.. I am always thinking about him day and night. I really have never liked someone as much as Him before. I always get a gushy feeling whenever we bump into each other in the corridor and when I see him I always feel so happy and get so emotional. I really want to tell him about my feelings but am worried about his response. Shouldn't the guy initiate first? I am fearful of rejection and the awkwardness which might arise if he doesn't reciprocate my feelings. What should I do? I have had this crush for over two years now and it only gets stronger day by day!!!! I really want to tell him but am unsure of how to begin. Any advice???
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (13 September 2016):
 Pretty much like all the other answers I'd say be careful. If he was single and free I would have thought he would have asked you out by now. He must know you fancy him, he'd be blind if he didn't. There's something holding him back and it's probably a wife or a girlfriend. Alternatively he may see it as not a very wise move to have a relationship with a work colleague as this could cause a lot of embarassment if things went wrong. Either way tread carefully and see if you can find out something about his home life which may reveal whether he already has a partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2016): Stay within the boundaries of professionalism. The workplace isn't your dating service. You can also be misreading politeness and good character as fondness for you. He may have a wife or girlfriend; and depending on the code of conduct and ethics in your employee manual; be sure you stay within guidelines. Some guys don't like being pursued on the job by female co-workers. Some guys are over-friendly and have insanely jealous girlfriends.
We just put out a fire at my company; because a female colleague purchased a present and card for a crush's birthday. His fiance got word through gossip about her crush on him. There was a stink about it. He neglected to tell her about the present. In his defense, he claimed she made passes at him. Now it's his word against hers. Here in America, companies are required by law to give sexual-harassment and sensitivity-training to avoid company liability. It may only be innocent flirtation in one person's opinion; but considered an unwanted pass by the recipient. The obstacle in the way...it's on the job!
Then there are opportunists, just looking for a way to get a quick buck through litigation. Even males file sexual harassment suits against their employers, and it's not just here in America.
Offer to have a light lunch or coffee at a nearby eatery or shop. If he declines, do not show any reaction. That may be an indication he is taken, or has no romantic interest. It also gives him the opportunity to let you know his status. That's your opening and exit strategy; because it means nothing to ask someone out for a coffee or lunch. If he is interested, maybe he would prefer to ask you out discreetly and off work premises.
Do not declare your feelings to him. That is not only inappropriate; but unsettling if he's not interested in the same way, or may be gay. He is not making any moves for a reason. So, casually ask a trusted colleague if he's married or seeing someone. Again, be discreet. If he is seeing someone, then you've saved yourself some embarrassment. If he prefers not to date co-workers; prepare your feelings to accept it. Remain professional, and don't become awkward in his presence because of it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2016): If you have a mutual friend let her or him hint to him your interest. Frankly you can't assume that someone is interested in you because they are cordial and friendly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 September 2016):
 First, do a little sleuthing. SEE if he is single.
Second of all, consider the pros and cons of an office romance.
Here are some links you can look at and get an idea of those pros and cons.
http://www.sirlistalot.com/10-pros-and-cons-of-workplace-dating/
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7396149
http://www.nimble.com/blog/the-office-romance-pros-cons-and-cautions/
If he IS single and you find the cons more to your liking, then why not start talking to him? Suggest a great place for lunch or after work drinks. IF you don't want to be too direct you can say something like :" I heard XXX place make the best XXX, which is one of my favorite dishes, have you ever eaten there?" It's a NOT so subtle hint and invitation without asking him out directly. You kind of leave the asking up to him. Ir he in doesn't "get" the hint but talks about another place/food what not, you could order take out and drop some off at his desk. FOOD gets people talking. We ALL have to eat, right?
If he HAS a GF, then I suggest you work on letting go of the crush and move on. Go out with friends, meet new people and look for a partner elsewhere. Preferably NOT from your workplace.
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