A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok basically I thought I was close to my work colleague, I treated her like best my friend, she even came to my wedding. She helped me through a really bad time in my life many years ago too and she has also helped me to move house.Then I got pregnant and left work to go on maternity leave for 8 months. She stayed in contact with me right up until the day before my baby was born.... then nothing! Although she was aware my baby had been born, she never even phoned me, never even a congratulations message from her!! I phoned her to invite her to a small party we were having at my house to celebrate the birth of my baby boy and she didn't turn up and used the excuse that her boyfriend had gone out with his friends so she couldn't come. Then one day she contacted me out of nowhere to ask how me and my baby were doing and we stayed in touch for a while until it fizzled out again. I then found out various other work colleagues had bought gifts and cards for me to congratulate me on the birth of my baby and they asked her to pass them on to me. She did text me a few times to arrange to come and see me and my baby and drop off all the gifts and cards but either she cancelled just before she was due to come or I was not available at the date/time she wanted to come and she then cut off contact with me again and stopped replying to my messages.The gifts and cards stayed with her for six months until my birthday. She then decided she would drop off the gifts and cards plus my birthday card (from her) at my sisters house (even though we all live in the same town)! She lives closer to my sister so I suppose it was easier for her to drop them there and she knew my sister would pass them on to me. While she was at my sister's house, my sister also informed her that I was thinking of having a small get together the next day to celebrate my birthday and invited her to come along to the party. My friend told my sister she would come and asked my sister to ask me to text her to let her know the time of the party. I text her later that day and never received a reply, neither did she turn up to my party! She then got in touch a few weeks later and said her phone had broken so she couldn't reply to my text and that she had gone out with her boyfriend so she couldn't come to my get together! I have since found out she invited the whole work place to a restaurant to celebrate her 30th birthday which was a few days after mine but she never invited me! This hurt me a lot and even if her phone really was broken, I'm sure she could have informed my sister about her party when she dropped the cards and gifts off at her house but she never even mentioned it, not even when my sister invited her to my party!!Also, when I returned to work after my maternity leave, I got promoted to a supervisor, and there was a group of colleagues who became jealous and were not happy I got the promotion and made a lot of snide comments about me behind my back! When I text my friend to confide in her about this she was very neutral in her conversations and didn't seem to care how I was feeling and stopped replying to me. I since found out from another colleague that my friend also joined in with the snide comments behind my back so I feel very hurt and betrayed by this person yet again!!I would like some advice on what to do with this so called "friend". I have tried to cut her out of my life and only speak to her at work but when we do speak she tells me a lot of personal stuff about her life and confides in me, basically pretends she has done nothing wrong and she sometimes stops me if she sees me walking to work and insists she gives me a lift in her car (which i dont really need as I live within walking distance of my work place). The reason I have not completely dropped her from my life is because she has done a lot for me in the past and like I said has helped me through a really tough time so I'm now torn between stopping the friendship and letting it continue and trying to forget about the things she has done.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 She's very passive aggressive isn't she?
I personally would not "end the relationship" formally but I would in my head. I would just stop contacting her, calling her texting her...
I would unfriend on social media. I would go about my life and move on as if she does not exist.
In my mind I would forgive her for her bad behavior and move on. She is deserving of pity for being so unhappy in her own brain that she can behave this badly towards someone who was a friend to her.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 May 2015):
 Drop her. You owe her nothing any more, not AFTER she treated you the way she did.
There could be a good reason (such as she lost a baby and couldn't handle seeing yours) but, if that was the case I would have presumed she would have told you as you two were friends.
Taking 6 MONTHS to drop of gifts from other people? RUDE, not so much to you, but towards the people she agreed to do this for. Imagine buying newborn stuff (like clothes) which ABSOLUTELY wouldn't fit a 6 months old! IT says a LOT about her.
The talking smack about you at work when you got promoted? FRIENDS don't do that.
I wouldn't ANNOUNCE to her that you no longer want the friendship I would just NOT be available AT all, not to listen to personal stuff, gossip NOTHING. It's pretty easy to cut people short if you want to without it coming off harshly.
YOU can't COUNT on her as a friend, she has shown you that.
And I DO think you see her as a friend, but SHE doesn't see you quite the same way. OR she would have invited you to her birthday bash too. Could be that she was a little ashamed that she hadn't dropped those presents off and she was afraid you would mention that you JUST got them if you were around any of the co-workers who bought you a present.
Either way, I'd let this run out into the sand. You owe her nothing.
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