A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok guys, so my GF of a year and 3 months and I had a conversation about her past relationship with her ex BF, and I think she cheated on him or rather they cheated on one another, and this worries me, why you may ask, well because the way that it sounds like it happened, was that he was cheating on her and she started leaning on a male friend whom she had met a few before, and supposedly they dated during a break between her and her ex but she told me that she allowed him to date other women as well because she was what she says "conflicted" about her supposed ex, and also that the guy she was supposedly "dating" knew everything about her and her "supposed" ex.. Anyway supposedly they dated for 2 months and her ex supposedly came back, so she got back with him, still communicating with the other guy, because her ex and her "supposedly" broke up again a month later and she "recycled" the other guy, then left on vacation and she said to me "whoever called me first, is the one I was going to keep seeing" surprisingly so (lol) the one that called was her "supposed" ex, hmmmmmm, too coincidential for me, what do you guys think? And afterwards her and the other guy stayed as friends until she slowly "vanished" on him.. This worried me because it seems that A) they both were cheating on one another and B) she seems like a weak person and when the going gets tough in a relationship, she'll look for comfort in other men.. Does this situation sounds like she cheated? Your thoughts will be GREATLY appreciated... Oh and BTW, once she noticed that I had sorted the situation out in my head, she started switching the story to make it seem better in my eyes.. Also remember that when she started dating the other guy her and her supposed ex were still together in a turbulent relationship, and he had taken a flight out of town without her knowing, but he called her days later and told her where he was at, but they DEFINITELY were still together and supposedly broke up as soon as he arrived from his flight a month later, and 2 weeks later she claims that that's when her and the other guy "officially" started dating.. Your thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I'm just assuming that she cheated because of how the situation sounds, because as I told her "if u claim u really liked the new guy, then why didn't u just tell your ex bf at the time that you were seeing someone else, and to leave you alone as you have moved on?" She never told him, and that's what made me think the she was cheating, because when I met her it was around 6 months after this whole ordeal, and #1 she didn't tell me that she was still talking to her ex when I met her, and #2 as soon as we hit the 3 months mark she told her ex that she was seeing a new guy (me) whom she likes a lot and that perhaps he should just let her live her life.. So if she "supposedly" dated this other guy for 3 months as well without any contact with her ex (so she said) then why didn't she tell her ex about it? That ONLY leads me to believe that she was cheating, and that she was perhaps juggling both men to see what she can come up with... Your thoughts again? Sorry for the late reply, I was on vacation... Thanks.. P.S. She referred to her actions as "dirt". She said to me "now that you know all of my "dirt" I feel better because I was honest". Now "dirt" as I know it, is basically wrong doings like "cheating" etc.. Why else would she call it "dirt" I mean if she was supposedly "single" at the time as she said, then it isn't "dirt" RIGHT??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): being in a turbulent relationship can really mess people up. It's not just her but you have to factor in the personality of her ex as well and how his behavior was affecting her and the crap he was doing to her. If she had been with a more sane guy (like you!) she may have acted totally differently.
People can make mistakes and be weak, but that's how you grow and mature. having a Straight A report card all your life doesn't necessarily mean that your character is stellar and beyond reproach, it could mean that you've just never been 'tested' before or been presented with tough choices or had the misfortune of getting involved with "bad" people who mess you up. Don't be so sure you wouldn't have done the same if you were in her situation, is all I'm saying...
The question is, did she learn from her mistakes and come out a better and more mature person from it, or is she destined to make the same mistakes again?
she obviously was honest enough to tell you about her past. What is her attitude toward it?
Ask her, why did she cheat on her ex instead of breaking up with him? Why did she get back with her ex when she was supposedly dating the other guy? does she regret how she handled the situation? does she feel she did anything wrong?
I would definitely think her past is a red flag but I think what's important is who she is today, not just who she used to be. Some of us have been in bad relationships and been messed up by them and driven to do things we later regret.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Usually women don't believe easily everyone and they will look for someone who love them and then they trust but in this case, she lost trust in men, and she continues that with everyone if little doubt comes she looses trust, so be careful with her
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