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female
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anonymous
writes: my bf has recently joined the army and im really struggling to deal with it, i am trying but it is very hard. i was just wondering why people think telling me to split up with him is a good idea? as soon as i say im struggling to deal with it they just say if i cant cope i should go out with a local boy, this advice really does not help because if i dint love him and was able to just dump him then surely i woulda done it ages ago. i know i people are replying with their opinions and if i cant accept them then i shouldt post questions but how is that helping?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2006): If you come to this site asking for advice, sometimes you get advice that you might not want or advice that may not be welcome.It may be because the advice is no good or the advice doesn't exactly suit your problem - this could be because of some ambiguity in the question you asked or an assumption on behalf of the person who answers the question.Obviously I can't answer on behalf of people who have told you that breaking up with your boyfriend would be an option but you know what, these people are trying to help you and give you some advice. They are not forcing you to take that advice, they are simply trying to help you and perhaps it would be nice if you at least thanked the aunts and uncles who bothered to take the time to read your post and gave you advice.If you don't want other people's opinions, don't post things on this site and show a bit of graditude for the people who took the time to help you.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 June 2006):
 I don't know which of the questions you posted originally, so I can't go back and reread it. Is it possible that you didn't mention that breaking up wasn't an option when you posted it?
Many people will try to offer the simplest solution to any problem (usually that's a good idea!), especially if there's not enough detail in the question. In your case, you may have to be more selective about the responses than usual.
However, if you've asked a question and given enough background for people to get a picture of your situation, then it might be worthwhile to read *why* people think that breaking might be the solution. If people respond with their personal experiences, then read between the lines and see if any of it mirrors yours. Sometimes the best answer to a question isn't necessarily the one you wanted.
Sometimes long distance relationships can survive, though I think they're always challenging. Many times they don't, and as a consequence, people break up. But having admitted that you can't keep your love working when you're separated for long periods doesn't mean that you can't try again later. If the person you love is willing to wait until you can be together, then that's not a break up; that's just a hiatus.
You need to discuss your feelings with your boyfriend, by email or by letter (maybe not by text or phone, because it's too complex an issue to be abbreviated in a short space). He may also be struggling with being apart. You won't know until you talk with him about it.
In general, the best way to survive time apart is to stay involved with the small details of each others' lives, such as anecdotes from the workplace, details of friends' lives, local gossip/rumours, and other little news items that can make each of you feel part of the other's life. The other thing to do is to stay in touch regularly, with letters, photos and the occassional little gift.
Be sure that you always SAY to him how you're feeling and what you're thinking when you're separated, because it's hard enough to intuit a person's emotions when you're standing next to them! How much harder is it when that person isn't even there? So don't make anyone guess what you're thinking; just say it.
Good luck with your man, and be sure to tell him what you're thinking about all this.
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (26 June 2006):
 Hey there
Well sweetie you poor thing :o( your obviously havin a very tough time right now going through this and people just saying dump him but how do u dump the love of your life right? have a look on the website link below :-
* www.LongDistanceLovers.com
they list tips on how to deal with being in a long distance relationship and how to get through this tricky time, other than doing the obvious like writing letters every other day, and constant phonecalls, sending photographs etc which i'm sure your already doing all of the above try to hang in there and be strong believe in your love and the fact that absance makes the heart grow fonder... :o) i know exactly where your coming from as both my brother and the man in my life were both once squaddies to so i know how much you worry and wanna be with him every minute of the day i know you miss him alot honey but it will get easier i promise you and your patience will pay off cause there is nothing sexier than a squaddie in full kit when he's home on leave make the most of him so you have enough memories to last you while he's away :o)
I hope my advice was of some help to you sweetie :o) good luck ok... If you ever need someone to talk to or just a shoulder to cry on or maybe a little more advice, truly I'm always here for you ok :o)
You Take Care Babe And Good Luck X
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