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male
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anonymous
writes: I am a lonely 59 year old male, seeking to use a Thai introduction agency to find a wife. Having already had two broken marriages I feel that this is the only way for me to find happiness. I am worried however, that any bride I find, may like me for my money, rather than love me for the person I am. What advice can you give me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2005): Just be careful..the global sex industry merchandises women in a variety of ways through prostitution, sex trafficking, sex tourism, the mail-order bride trade, and pornography. It's all rolled in together. The physical harm of sexual exploitation is at least equaled by the psychological harm it wreaks--suicidal feelings, clinical depression, dissociative disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder. A valid concern is "what" type of adverse effects could that have had on any potential partner that you may be interested in. I suggest you go slow and really investigate any agencies you deal with that offer "mail-order brides". Some women who enter commercially arranged marriages hope for their prince charming. Others just want a ticket out of economic desperation. The lack of governmental oversight of the industry, leaves foreign women vulnerable to violence and abuse. Brokered brides leave familiar support networks and rely on near-strangers for financial security and immigration status. Many do not know that they can leave an abusive mate without being deported. And, while the women undergo rigorous background checks, their future husbands do not.
Another option you may want to try is the internet dating services. More and more singles are using them and there isn't such a social stigma on the people that use them anymore. You will meet many nice ladies and many questionable women too..but at least with some street smarts and careful selection-you can weed out the bad apples from the good ones. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2005): Make sure that you tell the agent that you want someone who will love you for the person you are rather than the money that you've got.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 September 2005):
 Pops has a point. Any time you use an introduction agency through a foreign country, there will be hordes of desperate (although quite possibly still young, beautiful and intelligent) women wanting to date you, just for the chance of a better life for themselves and their families. They only see the dollar signs and the new life in a First World country. That's WHY these agencies are so popular; rich Americans, Australians and Englishmen are like honey to the bee!
There really are other options for finding a satisfying relationship! If you put yourself "out there", by telling friends and family that you'd like to meet women - and if you're realistic in your expectations - you'll probably be deluged with women from your own culture and country who'd be interested in getting to know you.
You need to take a long look at your failed relationships in the past and decide if you were even fractionally responsible for the breakups. (I'd suggest that there has to be at least some culpability on your part.) You need to identify what went wrong in your marriages, so you can fix that, before you dash into another relationship, particularly one with a woman who doesn't share the same language or culture as you!
To be honest, Asian dating agencies strike me as shudderingly mercenary. Whether or not it's deserved, the common attitude is that all the women are looking for is a rich husband, and all the men are ham-fisted galoots, after a pretty, young and compliant baby-factory. Yes, that's awfully harsh of me, but that's the sort of disrepute that many of these matches tend to generate, and if you do find a wife that way, it's something you'll likely be hearing again and again. Something you'll need to have thought through.
Speaking from family experience, if you intend to follow through with this idea, you should never send money ahead to the woman or her family. If she claims to need a plane ticket, send a plane ticket, NOT the money to buy one. A few thousand US dollars is a small fortune in some countries, and, in the case of my brother-in-law, he never heard from the woman again after sending cash.
I would suggest that you travel to the Thailand and learn about the language and culture first, before you get too far down the road with an introduction agency. The reason is, you need to have an appreciation of the history and customs of the women you're going to meet, if your relationship is to be based on anything more than a monetary exchange. If you're not interested in Thai history and customs, ask yourself what your real interest is. Why a Thai introduction agency?
Do give the matter a lot of thought before you get in too deep. Also think about why it is that you feel a need to search internationally for a partner. Is it because you have some attraction to Thai women in particular, or have you convinced yourself that there isn't a single woman in your own country (of how many millions?) that could be make you happy as an equal partner with you?
Good luck.
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reader, pops +, writes (1 September 2005):
Duh! Surprise! Of course any bride you find through such an agency will want you not only for your money, but for that Green card to get into America. I don't recommend using these services. How about finding a dance club, where they always need men because they usually have more women who come to learn to dance than they have male partners. If you live near an Ice rink, take ice skating lessons. Same thing happens in these classes.There are more women than men. Or simply do the kinds of things you like to do for recreation, and see if there isn't a club or park district group that puts like minded people together. Canoe clubs, horse clubs, bird watchers, etc. These are all outdoor activities where you can meet women who at least share an interest with you. Not an outdoor guy? Try the betting parlors, off track betting, bingo nights at the church. Yeah, many of the women will old enough to be your mother, but they may just have a daughter, or niece they would like to introduce to a nice guy!
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