A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I'm a university student who desires a relationship but has never succeeded. I realised in the last few years that I was behaving a typical "nice guy" (in the bad way). I have improved my confidence and being myself, spending more time enjoying myself with others and investing time into my studies. However, I still desire to be with someone.I feel like I am distracting myself as well as building myself up. Yet my life has one glaring omission: women. I still have no female friends only acquaintances. All of my best mates are guys who don't have many close female friends.I can't explain why. I haven't been on a date in nearly a year but I do have the undesirable attribute of staying away from women that I've asked out and they have rejected me.In fact aside from small talk, I've never really invested much time in getting to know women that I am not interested in romantically. I usually see an attractive girl, chat her up and ask her out then get to know her on dates. I really don't spend that much time with women at all.I feel that I should quickly clarify that I don't have communication issues around women but I've never been particularly close on a personal level.Bearing these things in mind, am I ready to start a relationship? Do I need to have female friends to give me some perspective?What practical things can I do to meet women that want relationships?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, just giving a quick reply to some points:"You say you don't have communication issues around women, but you can't be bothered talking to them unless you want to date them. You don't "invest" time in THEM (as you put it) unless you have a romantic interest."This interpretation exaggerates my problem. I can talk to women without any underlying stimulus, I'm not a psycho! Its more accurate to say that my relationship with women is very coincidental. I see a woman I know and speak to her but I wouldn't invite a woman to social activities with my male friends."You have a really skewered view of women. And women, even the younger less experienced ones, can sense that.I don't see where you get the whole "I'm a good guy" at all.Unless you can change the way you look at women, I don't know what you can do."I feel that I have painted an inaccurate picture of myself. My default position has always been to respect women and I am always kind and courteous because that's how I am. "Do you have a mom? If you do, do you talk to her? As her for advice? Or a sister? Do you have any good male friends, who can give you some perspective?"I do have a mum and a huge number of female relatives and get on great with them. They are the ones who keep telling me what a great catch/gentleman/nice person I am and trying to get me to put myself out there.As for male friends, most of them are single virgins so I can't help to feel I gravitate towards that kind of person. I am a self-confessed geek and pretty far from being "cool". I try to be myself and from my experience, my type of person doesn't have many female friends.I'm scratching the surface and am grateful for your comments. I must treat women on face value rather than seeking an ulterior motive.
A
male
reader, a-dad  +, writes (28 May 2014):
Being at a University should be easy meeting girls. Women in many ways are like men. There is the stereotypical boy and girl for good and bad.
It seems we get caught up in career but spend no time understanding ourselves: this is the first step before wanting a mate. Friends are good to help us reveal ourselves, but this could be ugly and could end friendships.
The most important aspects of our lives is temperament. Can you be easily angered or made to cry? If so, then you need to understand why and reverse the problem.
If you have to ask for how to meet girls, then you have some unfounded fears. Watching trashy films or magazines or stories told by other boys will get you into trouble eventually.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 May 2014):
 I think the fact that you see talking to a girl as ends to a means (you getting laid/getting a gf) as opposed to getting to know women in GENERAL because they are human being too, might be why you are single.
You say you don't have communication issues around women, but you can't be bothered talking to them unless you want to date them. You don't "invest" time in THEM (as you put it) unless you have a romantic interest.
And then you say *quote* Do I need to have female friends to give me some perspective? Again, talking to women are an end to a mean for you. Because it's not like you can snap your fingers and you have female friends. IT takes a bit of work to make friends, female or male.
You have a really skewered view of women. And women, even the younger less experienced ones, can sense that.
I don't see where you get the whole "I'm a good guy" at all.
Unless you can change the way you look at women, I don't know what you can do.
Do you have a mom? If you do, do you talk to her? As her for advice? Or a sister? Do you have any good male friends, who can give you some perspective?
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (28 May 2014):
 Female friends can help a lot. I strongly suggest talking to some women that you can forge platonic friendships with. Also, spend more time in places where there are a lot of women, so you can un-obtrusively observe them (don't stare or be creepy and follow anyone, respect people's boundaries!)Also, there are a few things you can do yourself that can help prepare yourself for a relationship.Get plenty of exercise. Join a gym or work out on your own, but try to get at least half an hour every day. Moderate exercise can boost your immune system, make your skin look better, and tone up your body as well as improve your mood and help you sleep better.Drink more water, and eat a LOT of vegetables. Reduce the amount of dairy you have in your diet. This can improve your complexion and help you stay in good shape.Read. Fiction or non-fiction, reading is relaxing, entertaining and good for the soul. Plus, so many people read that it makes a great ice breaker! ("So I've just finished this book by [author name], have you ever heard of them?")If you take good care of your body and soul, and become more comfortable talking to women by making female friends, you will become better boyfriend material and will eventually find the right partner. Good luck!
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