A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (25) and I have been dating for almost 3 years now. We started as friends with benefits and evolved into a stable, loyal relationship, so there was never an actual seduction/chasing/courtship.He stays home a lot. He is quite a geek and loves videogames and tv series, and I love that about him. He always prefered staying in than going out just with me, as we usually stayed in his place when we were FWB.Fast forward 3 years, I am getting depressed by our situation. Dont get me wrong, I love this man to death - he helps me whenever I need something and is sweet and caring and awesome in bed, but everyday we do nothing. We are currently on summer break since June and besides going out for coffee in the same coffee shop and going for walks literally around the neighborhood - we went to the beach once and to an exhibit once.Still, we never went just the two of us, he always invites friends. The only time we went out for coffee just the two of us, was because there was a new shop that I had been asking to go for a month - we drank the coffee in 5 minutes and he was already asking to go home.Today I asked him to go to a garden that is recent in our town. He said we'd go there another day, that we should instead go meet a friend in another place (that is old news and boring) - we hadn't asked the friend yet, the friend said he couldn't go and instead of going where I wanted, he stayed. Home. Both locations were equally far from his place, both were free entrance.Basically we either go out with friends to the same places or we go out alone once in a lifetime and he is mostly bored and wanting to go home, which makes me give up on the date and just go home as I can't have fun if he's there with this poker face to indulge me.We don't have much money, but I never asked for money. I want a walk in a different park, I want to scavange hunt, I want to drink coffee in a different shop! The museums here are free every second weekend of the month, we have many student discounts, we can get two movie tickets for the price of 1 - but he still comes up with an excuse (too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter, he's tired from the night out, he didn't sleep, he still hasn't showered, there's no place to park the car, there's something new in his game, there's something better to do).The most I ask him to spend with me is a bit of gas to drive us, and I always insist in paying some dates, so we usually have a 50/50 paying rate.Is there any hope? I could do this things with friends, but in that case it would be a date, wyhich is what I want. I have been asking/suggesting everyday for a different date (and I've gone as far as googling "best cheap date ideas" just to give him more options!) and he always says "we'll see" - and we end up staying home, and I end up sleeping all day because I'm bored and sad to the point of just wanting the day to end.I love him soooo much. Splitting up is not an option, at least for now. What options do I have?!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2015): just start making homebrew at home and organic cakes.Having such a homeloving man is good if you settle enough to have children and yes his friends will probably still come round.If you are feeling restless book a get away from it all week abroad or in a new location where you can bring out the wild side of him and you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015): I agree about giving him a fright. Tell him you aren't sitting around wasting you life and you're leaving. What fun are you having right now? You might find once you leave, that your life is happier - and you don't want him back. You might just see that you are the only person responsible for your happiness, and that if someone isn't willing to join your happiness then you'll leave them behind.He might change and want you back, or he might not be bothered at all and he can play his games and visit the same places without any interference. You deserve so much better, it wouldn't matter if you were happy with your life and you stayed at home and enjoyed going to the same places but you're not. Both of you are not interacting like a couple, he doesn't even want to try and please you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2015): Hi, first of all what you have described was my relationship from the age of 16-21, I met my girlfriend when we were young and as a result I went through it thinking I could live my life the way I wanted and that she would just sit there and watch.Me and your boyfriend sound like the same person sadly for you and to be honest it can go a few ways from here for you! Option one he will never change and you'll stay miserable. Option two leave him. Harsh but that was what it took to snap me out of it! I'll never take advantage of another girls love like I did my ex now because of it! It hurts to think my selfishness cost me my relationship. Option 3 and what I wish she had done to me! Give him a scare. Don't leave him but just get his interest! Make him fight for you. Don't cheat but show him you can find someone else if you want to and that they will treat you properly. I think if she had done that to me I would have fought for her to win her back.Hope this helps! JS
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