A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'd love some advice, esp. from any male readers, about what makes a guy ask a girl to marry him. What is it in a girl that would make her marriage material? What would make you not want to marry a girl? I'm asking because I've been with my bf 7 months and have fallen head over heels in love with him. I have never been the kind of person to want to get married before (my last bf and I split up a year before I met my current bf because I didn't want to marry him after 7 years together, and I was happily single until I bumped into my current bf) but my current bf is amazing and I can imagine spending the rest of my life with him :)He's kinda going through a tough time at work at the moment, working long hours, and I'm trying to be supportive towards him, listening to his work problems, offering practical support, and stepping back to give him time to himself to relax after a long day at work. I think he's kind, caring, trustworthy, interesting, funny, gorgeous, we are sexually very compatible, he's introduced me to his family and friends who say we're a cute couple (I was in ear-shot when one of his closest female friends told him she thinks he will marry me and have a family with me). Everything is going great all in all, and out of the blue, he recently told me I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had and that he hopes we'll be together til we're old and grey. I think we have similar values when it comes to relationships, family, money, and he has said one of his dreams is to be married and to have children.We haven't had any arguments yet, but have had discussions where we diagree with each other, and have seen each other grumpy/tired/upset/unwell. I know we're still getting to know each other, but I really love this guy and would be so happy to be his wife (I never thought I'd hear myself say anything like that!!). I guess I'd love some advice on what makes a guy want to propose to his girlfriend, and what would make him not want to do that.I obviously haven't said anything to my bf about how I feel (the fact that I've never been in a relationship with someone so amazing before, and that he's the first person I've ever wanted to marry before), and don't intend to, but is there anything I can do to have the happy ending I'm hoping for? And anything I should avoid doing to get there?Thanks so much :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2011): Original poster: Thanks for your advice...you are probably right! I will keep my thoughts and hopes to myself :)
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 March 2011):
 Look, I really wouldnt worry yourself too much about this, it sounds like your relationship is great and will be heading for marriage eventually, so just be patient and enjoy being together!
You both want the same things, he has spoken about growing old together - you can pretty much be sure that unless something drastic happens or you start to piss each other off all the time then you will be heading down the aisle.
It sounds to me like your question really is - 'how do I get him to ask me to marry him asap' - and if that is the case, then you are being very foolish.
You have only been together 7 months and have not even had a row yet, getting married soon would be a guaranteed recipe for divorce. The highest divorce rates are for people who got married before they had been together 2 years, because quite simply they had no real idea about each other and were still in the lovely honeymoon phase. At the moment your relationship sounds great, you are enjoying being together and getting to know each other. That is the way it should stay for at least another year, it takes such a long time to really get to know someone and work out if you are truly compatible. In fact, you only really know if it is going to work after you have had a few rows because then you find out how you both deal with conflict and if you are good at resolving it together.
You cant expect in your entire married life not to have a row, so of course you need to row a bit in your dating phase of the relationship to find out if you are actually a good team when solving your problems. With any luck you will be, but imagine if you got married, then a month or 2 into the marriage you have a massive fight and find out that he is the sort of guy that runs away from problems and hates talking things through? That would be the beginning of the end of the marriage and it would be your own fault for rushing the marriage and not finding out before!
The best thing you can do to make sure eventually he does propose is to stop thinking about it, enjoy being together and just be yourself. He will not want some crazy woman who is so desperate to get married that she is on her best behaviour 24/7 - what he wants is for you to be you. He needs to see the good, the bad and the ugly before he proposes so he knows what he is getting himself into, and vice versa. Dont try and be some perfect version of yourself in order to get him to propose sooner, just take it slow, be yourself and enjoy this great relationship you have.
Like I said - unless something drastic happens then there is no reason why he wont propose. Fair enough if it is like 3 or 4 years down the line and he still has not proposed, come back on this site and you will get loads of advice on what to do. But 7 months in? Chill out a bit and stop thinking about marriage! There is nothing more off-putting to a man when he finds his girlfriend's biological clock has suddenly switched on and she is desperate for a big white wedding and babies, so the more you think about this the more you will turn him off and push him away.
Relax, enjoy the early stages of your relationship and take things slowly. Get to know him, let him see the real you, and dream about the future together. Some of the best bits of a relationship are when you are dreaming about the future together, making plans for the future are fun and bring you closer together. As long as you are both on the same page then you will get there in the end, it might seem hard at times to wait to marry the man of your dreams but you must know deep down that rushing into something would be far worse than having to wait a little longer. Patience will pay off, I promise!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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