A
female
age
41-50,
*rookies
writes:Hi everyone,I hope I can get some insight because right now I am feeling a bit confused. So here goes.I met this teacher when I was 15. We are both females. Very quick, we became close. At the time I was going through some rough patches with my life. And once I wrote this poem and she could read from that, that I was in trouble in life. She took me under her wing. Always protecting me, from anything actually. Obviously I started to be attached to her. I felt like she was like a big sister to me. Always rescuing me from any trouble I could be in, whether I was right or wrong. Once I was ill and while she was driving me home, she brought me to a doctor. She paid for everything! I couldn’t believe such kindness.I must make something clear. As much as she was protective of me, she was very strict with me when it came to studies. She wanted me to do well at all costs. While at the time, I didn’t appreciate being pushed that much, now I am very grateful that she was like that with me.She introduced me to her family and made me feel part of it. That went on for as long as I was in school. I could see she had a soft spot for me and I liked her very much. But it stopped there. Like I said it was more like a sisterly thing. Well that is what I thought anyway. When I left school, things changed a bit. We still met for dinners and with time we became closer. I was still part of her life even if I was no longer her student. We would share things like she would share things with me, something she never did much at school, for obvious reasons. She always wants to know if I am happy in life. And is always interested about my love life. Once when we parted, she told me that I enrich her life, that I bring the best outta her. I was shocked! I told her I think it is the other way around. I am now 29, so almost 15 years since we met (She’s 42 now). The other day, I met this school friend. She was telling me she is in touch with our teacher because she needs some private tuition. And she told me, how Mrs X is always talking about me, and telling her how special I am. My friend giggled when she told me, if Mrs X was a man I would say she has the hots for you! I didn’t know what to say to that. I have noticed that when we meet, there is something in the air. Loads of staring, but I have never thought anything on her part. She is married with kids. And also as she was my teacher my mind never went anywhere that is forbidden. I know I have strong feelings for her, and I know it is no crush because I don’t think a crush can last that long… But of course I would never act on that. There is nothing to act on anyway. But over the years, there is something that has made me wonder… what is it with me that got her to be so protective? Why she took that interest in me?Thanks for any input
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female
reader, brookies +, writes (24 October 2009):
brookies is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,Thank you very much for your input. At the time, when she was being very helpful, I didn’t question it. I was just happy that someone was reaching out for me. I thought it was something she did for everyone at school. It turned out it wasn’t the case. All the time, I have been her student, I have never questioned anything. At the time, I didn’t even think of homosexuality. I thought I was straight and for me to have a crush on a teacher was uncool! It was mostly after I left school that I started to question things. Obviously she had no reason to keep in touch with me. But she did. And that made us closer. I was an adult and in a way we were on the same level. She opened up to me. On a few occasions I find myself being the one who would offer support. It felt weird, because no matter how much time has gone by, I still feel like a student sometimes when I am around her. That conversation with that friend triggered a few thoughts. Because at school at the time, all my friends used to think it as a sisterly/motherly relation… It was the first time that my friend said something like she could fancy me! She didn’t think it normal that Mrs X would still talk about me that much after so long. That made me think more and I started to see a few things that stood out. Like the way she always stares at me and she likes to hold my hand and play with my fingers. Certain sentences she says now make me wonder. Obviously I am confused and sure want to understand. Not what I want something to happen. That hasn’t even crossed my mind. Although I have very strong feelings for her. I always feel tense and nervous around her mixed with happiness. I have always thought myself straight, until she started to have this effect on me. Once when we went shopping together and we had to cross the road. Not much traffic to deal with but still she grabbed my hand when we crossed. On the other side of the road, she didn’t let go immediately. And on my love life, well I have no problem because it is inexistent by choice. She always tells me how I would make someone happy and how lucky that person would be. As you can see I am struggling with this…
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (23 October 2009):
 Without her input, we won't really ever know. We can only speculate. Perhaps she saw you as a daughter and wanted to help you succeed in life. Perhaps she likes rescuing wounded birds and helping to patch them together and make them well enough to fly on their own. Perhaps she's a closeted lesbian who had a hidden crush on you but never would nor will act on it because she has followed a different path. Perhaps she just likes helping students succeed, and you were a special-needs case. Perhaps you reminded her of herself when she was a young student.
Whatever it is, she helped you when you needed it. I think feeling grateful is natural. Let me ask you why you are asking this now? Are you struggling to understand? Are you hoping for something in particular? What would you do with certain knowledge either way? Is this keeping you from moving forward with your life in any way? Are you unhappy with life right now? Or content? Has there been a recent transition that has unsettled you?
If it's a mystery you want clearing up, keep in mind that you may have projected some feelings onto her, so don't be disappointed if the bond she feels is different than the one you feel.
Take care.
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