A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:MOD NOTE: OP's own title:What kind of things are important to know about your fiance before getting married?I'm not looking for the obvious things here...Wondering what other engaged/married couples come to discover is important to know before getting married...things that might not be so obvious. What are some important issues to address before marriage? Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2010): can he do laundry and cook and iron. There could be times im sick or away. Is he jealous over friendships? How does he treat his mother...is he tooo close to her? does he put the toilet seat down? Shower daily? Leave bits of hair in the sink from shaving? Does he mind going to a diffent place to get me a drink because they have crushed ice and he knows i love it. Is he willing to stop every hundred miles on a trip to find a clean ladies room...:) and God forbid he should ever sit in the car and honk while i get ready. Does he hold my hand walking in walmart? Does he hold me when i cry, tickle me, make me laugh. Will he keep his integrity when we are broke, and read to our babies. There is no stopping place. most of all does he truly love me? More than his family? And in turn there are things he should expect from me. There are so many things you just cant know until you live with them. Married almost 28 years and he still suprises me, drives me crazy, irritates me, and brings out the best and worst in me. Sometimes i want to kick his butt sometimes jump his bones. Sometimes within 5 min of each other. In the end he makes my heart soar like no one else can. :)
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 July 2010):
 "Town Bike" hee hee
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 July 2010):
From a mans perspective these are things that I always look for -
1 - My first question - I try to get this out of the way by the end of the first date. Do you get along with your father? If the answer is anything but splendidly - run, run fast and run far. I have NEVER been in a normal healthy relationship w a woman who did not get along w her father. My guess is its because she never had a good foundation with forming relationships w men. In any event, my extensive empirical data on this is just about perfect.
2 - Like to find out about sexual history early. I have considerable retro jealousy. I dont fight it, I accept it. Cant be in a serious relationship w the former town bike. End of story.
3 - Are you a spender or a saver. People are typically born one or the other and never change. I personally would never marry a spender.
4 - Can you love me more than you love yourself, because I offer that in return.
Those to me are pretty good ones to start with.....
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 lol, thanks Aunts, I've just spat coffee out all over my laptop!!! lol
And here was I as a single woman thinking that, as long as he has potential to learn the phrase,
'Yes dear, of course'
everything would stay tickety boo.
My dad (god rest his soul) advised my brothers on their stag nights, "dont do anything in the first 3 weeks of the marriage that your not prepared to do for the rest of your life" So with that in mind, I'd say, ask him to do all the things you want from him in the first 3 weeks, and you'll live happily ever after. lol.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): How does he treat his mother, has he forgiven all trespasses against him, what is his credit score/history/judgments if any, what do his roommates have to say about his habits, is he completely open, is he honest.
No matter your answers, there is a scientific approach. Family science has boiled relationships down to one baseline success: equal values. The more values you equally share, the higher the success rate. The more values you both have that are polarized, you pose a statistical risk for failure. And it doesn't matter what the equal values are. it can be anything like love for certain movies, same church, favorite color, or even bizarre: fetishes or shrines in your house or something. But as long as you share the same values, your chances of success are now measurably strong.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 July 2010):
Do you share the remote? Who gets to pick what you watch on TV, are you willing to take turns? Are either of you a slob in in the bathroom or kitchen? Do you drink milk out of the carton or use a glass everytime? What chores are assigned or will you both takes turns with all of them?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 July 2010):
 How do you plan to save for retirement? What are your retirement dreams and goals?
How do you like to spend money? What are your credit ratings?
How much time and energy and money are you going to put into family and extended family? Is one a big extended family that will need a lot of time and attention? Will you have to spend two weeks on your only vacation with them every year? Does the family have any estrangements or history of rocky relationships? Are the parents together or have there been divorces?
Which side of the bed is mine or yours?
Do you want children? What if you are not able to have children? Spend a fortune on in vitro, consider adoption or none at all?
If you find $100 in an envelope at a restaurant or store, do you turn it in or do you keep it?
Do either of you snore?
Do you share the same interests in food and healthy activities, like the gym or biking or walking or running?
Do you like his best friend and vice versa?
Do your sexual appetites and pasts and future plans match up? Is one party kinkier than the other and what will that mean long term? Are there any past experiences, like threesomes, that may need to be discussed prior to marriage?
What will you do if there is infidelity? How you you each define cheating? Is an emotional affair cheating? Is looking lustfully at the checkout girl in the supermarket cheating?
Are you bi-sexual or do you have sexual desires for members of the same sex?
That's just a starter list off the top of my head.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (28 July 2010):
if you are thinking about proposing then I would have thought you have been with this girl for a long time and know her well enough to think you want to spend the rest of you life with her.
the things you should know are the things which are important to you.
This really changes from couple to couple, this can vary from how many people your partner has slept with, if they have ever slept with a member of the same sex, are they in debt, have they ever had an abortion.
Apart from the above the main things you should know about your partner is if the two of you want the same things, do you both want children if so how many, does she plan to be a live at home mum or a working mum. these are the types of things which will be important in the marriage because these are things which will effect both your lives.
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