A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Any idea what my "friend's" game is?She blows hot and cold. One minute she is all over me, asking to go out for a drink and a catch up, coming round to my house for a drink, next minute she cuts me dead and I hear nothing from her for ages. I contact her but there is no response. She is at it again. I bumped into her a couple of weeks ago, asked her how she was (as you do). We had a chat for a few minutes. When she was leaving she said she would be in contact so we could go out for a proper catch up.No contact since then, until this morning when she messaged me when she saw I was on Facebook. I replied straight away but, as usual, have heard nothing back. If she follows the same pattern as previously, I will not hear from her for at least a week, then she will message me like we chatted yesterday. Her message are always apologetic and start with something along the lines of "I am useless". I have tried not answering for a few days, like she does, but the speed of my response has absolutely no relevance to the time lapse before she gets back in contact. I made friends with her about a year ago because, initially, I felt sorry for her as some friends we have in common were cutting her dead (according to her). Now I wonder what the other side of the story was. Honestly, this sounds like a playground and like kids, but I am in my 50s while my friend is in her late 30s. I am too old to play games. If you want to be my friend, then that's great. If you don't, then that is fine as well. I just get fed up with trying to second guess whether she wants to be friends or not. I don't really want to have the conversation with her as I am pretty sure she will just be the same as in her messages, i.e. apologetic and all "poor me, I am useless". I have plenty of other friends who do not act like this. The thing is, I do actually quite like her and enjoy her company when I see her.
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986  +, writes (21 November 2016):
I agree with honeypie and aunt honestly from both their answers that they gave you. Maybe she is bad at returning texts and is bad about scheduling plans with you. I don't think she will play the hot and cold game with you at all. Maybe she is busy working also but can't check everything on her phone at all. But if you feel annoyed by it. You should talk to her about it and listen to each other's points of view.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. Guess I need to have a bit of empathy for my friend and try to see this from her side of the fence, instead of just from my own point of view.
Your replies have given me food for thought.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2016): HiI'm pretty much like your friend. No game playing, just life happens, I'm busy, have varying energy levels, bad memory etc. Thankfully my friends are all the same way. We are all about the meeting up, then something gets in the way and it's literally months before we start to try again. We're all different I guess, but a friendship like the kind that you speak of, would exhaust me, physically and emotionally. But I can see how the way I am, would be frustrating for someone like you, who sounds like she is rather more switched on and organised.Either take her the way she is, or forget the friendship, but I wouldn't suspect her of game playing.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 November 2016):
 My guess is that life for her just gets in the way. She will check in with you every so often but she seems useless at keeping in contact and making plans. Am sure this is just who she is. I can see why it would annoy you. But I don't think she is playing games with you. Therefore you need to decide can you keep being her friend like this or would you rather cut her off?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 November 2016):
 I don't think she is playing games. I think this is just who she is. Someone who isn't super great at keeping up a friendship.
So if you enjoy her company I'd say "mentally" downgrade her to an acquaintance you talk to, socialize with etc. here and there and stop seeing her as a "friend". The kind of friend you expect and want isn't who she is.
How you (and most of us) sees friendship and how SHE views it are very different. She is like that planet in the solar system that has this really weird orbit and the rest of the solar system can't figure out what to make of her.
So I'd say accept her for who she is, don't have too big expectations of her or yourself when it comes to this acquaintanceship. Just regard her as someone you know and who you enjoy when you DO spend time with her. OR if that doesn't work... cut her off.
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