A
male
age
41-50,
*inoymak
writes:I was seeing this beautiful woman off and on for the last ten years. 8 months in 2005, 1 month in 2009, and 2 months just recently 2014. Everytime we have sex we never use condoms, and the relationship is always a secret. The reason why we always break up is because there's always complications going on with her kids father. Like she can't decide or something. This last time we hooked up she claimed her baby daddy had left her for good and had left her the house because he had somebody else. So I would stay there over the weekends but always had to leave when he brought the kids home on Mondays. Finally I blew my top and confronted her asking is she "sleeping with baby daddy" and me at same time? And I'm really concerned since I found out he's bi-sexusl. When I asked her this, she said I'm scaring her and her children and dont call her again. So Cupic I ask you....what the hell kinda relationship is this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2014): This is not a relationship imo, she is someone you hook up with for a while in between long separations, with the exception of the 8 month period maybe. There is no commitment here and even worse you're a secret. Since you've had unprotected sex with her and she and maybe you have other partners you need to get tested and stop doing this. I would end it altogether and find someone who you can have a trusting, consistent relationship with.
A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 Sorry to sound so rude & to be so blunt, but i agree with the other readers on this one.
You are aware that your on/off gf is never going to commit to you, because this madness has been going on for 10 long years!!
I do not wish to sound arrogant, but where you have had the will to remain with her for 10 years, just blows my mind!
Also, on a much more serious note, you should NEVER sleep with anybody that you are aware has history of sleeping around, without using a condom.
You are in your 30s, not yr teens & even then, many teens would protect themselves.
Yr on/off gf sleeps with her ex, who just happens to be bi-sexual & even if he weren't, do you know where he has been & where else she may have been??
I am not sexist, nor am i anti-gay, but the facts remain.
The prevelance of STDs, is much higher within gay & bi-sexual communities, primarily because partners are moving around more openly & more commonly.
You chose to sleep with her, without protecting yourself & now you are very worried & so you should be, because you know that you have taken the biggest risk, the biggest gamble & with YOUR OWN LIFE!
My advice to you would be to go & get yourself tested @ your local medical centre & in the meantime, get out of this relationship & for good!
Do not continue to return to her, although it may be very hard, with 10 yrs of history behind you both, but realistically, you need to ask yourself this question.
"What kind of a real relationship, have she & i really had, over the past 10 yrs?"
I think you already know the answer to this yourself don't you?
I also do not believe that what you guys have even comes close to anything real, true, deep, nor sincere, because if the two of you truly loved eachother, then you wouldn't have been on/off for 10 long yrs.
I am in love & have been for the past 7 yrs & i can assure you, that my partner & i have never been on & off.
We have time apart, when we work, when we go out with our friends, sure, but to spend months apart regularly & for what?! You have to be kidding me!
It is normal & very healthy to have yr respective time apart, but the way in which the two of you have been doing it, is not normal, nor healthy & will eventually, if not tomorrow, next week, next mth, next year, the two of you will go seperate ways & yes, for good.
It is just a matter of when now.
Please look after your health first & foremost.
Sex is not worth the risk of losing your life, however, enjoyable, fun, great or exciting it might be.
You surely know this & before you chose to sleep with her, without the use of a condom, you should have used your common sense. I am sure, you are regretting this now, but you know what they say about regrets...........Hmmm!
The two of you need to break up & permanently, not temporarily.
If you choose to remain with her, you may well catch something serious, if you haven't already, plus you will never be mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually fulfilled. This is so bad for your morale.
Also, this is not good for both your overall happiness, health, wellbeing. Think about it.
You will be much happier , when you release yourself from her eternally, allow yourself plenty of time to heal & find closure, so that eventually, you will be in a place of self confidence, self comfort, self worth, but the big one is SELF-LOVE, yes!!
When you learn to love yourself again, you will be able to get out there & meet a wonderful woman & this time, it will not be on & off for the next 10 yrs! Trust in yourself. :-)
Get your life back in order, in every facet, work, hobbies, friends, family, fun, etc; etc;, then & only then, will you be ready to ever love again.
Right now, you are both lustful, needy, lonely, desperate, so get out & make it happen & there is no better time than the present time.
Good luck & make your own life count!
...............................
A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (7 August 2014):
Sorry to sound so rude & to be so blunt, but i agree with the other readers on this one.
You are aware that your on/off gf is never going to commit to you, because this madness has been going on for 10 long years!!
I do not wish to sound arrogant, but where you have had the will to remain with her for 10 years, just blows my mind!
Also, on a much more serious note, you should NEVER sleep with anybody that you are aware has history of sleeping around, without using a condom.
You are in your 30s, not yr teens & even then, many teens would protect themselves.
Yr on/off gf sleeps with her ex, who just happens to be bi-sexual & even if he weren't, do you know where he has been & where else she may have been??
I am not sexist, nor am i anti-gay, but the facts remain.
The prevelance of STDs, is much higher within gay & bi-sexual communities, primarily because partners are moving around more openly & more commonly.
You chose to sleep with her, without protecting yourself & now you are very worried & so you should be, because you know that you have taken the biggest risk, the biggest gamble & with YOUR OWN LIFE!
My advice to you would be to go & get yourself tested @ your local medical centre & in the meantime, get out of this relationship & for good!
Do not continue to return to her, although it may be very hard, with 10 yrs of history behind you both, but realistically, you need to ask yourself this question.
"What kind of a real relationship, have she & i really had, over the past 10 yrs?"
I think you already know the answer to this yourself don't you?
I also do not believe that what you guys have even comes close to anything real, true, deep, nor sincere, because if the two of you truly loved eachother, then you wouldn't have been on/off for 10 long yrs.
I am in love & have been for the past 7 yrs & i can assure you, that my partner & i have never been on & off.
We have time apart, when we work, when we go out with our friends, sure, but to spend months apart regularly & for what?! You have to be kidding me!
It is normal & very healthy to have yr respective time apart, but the way in which the two of you have been doing it, is not normal, nor healthy & will eventually, if not tomorrow, next week, next mth, next year, the two of you will go seperate ways & yes, for good.
It is just a matter of when now.
Please look after your health first & foremost.
Sex is not worth the risk of losing your life, however, enjoyable, fun, great or exciting it might be.
You surely know this & before you chose to sleep with her, without the use of a condom, you should have used your common sense. I am sure, you are regretting this now, but you know what they say about regrets...........Hmmm!
The two of you need to break up & permanently, not temporarily.
If you choose to remain with her, you may well catch something serious, if you haven't already, plus you will never be mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually fulfilled. This is so bad for your morale.
Also, this is not good for both your overall happiness, health, wellbeing. Think about it.
You will be much happier , when you release yourself from her eternally, allow yourself plenty of time to heal & find closure, so that eventually, you will be in a place of self confidence, self comfort, self worth, but the big one is SELF-LOVE, yes!!
When you learn to love yourself again, you will be able to get out there & meet a wonderful woman & this time, it will not be on & off for the next 10 yrs! Trust in yourself. :-)
Get your life back in order, in every facet, work, hobbies, friends, family, fun, etc; etc;, then & only then, will you be ready to ever love again.
Right now, you are both lustful, needy, lonely, desperate, so get out & make it happen & there is no better time than the present time.
Good luck & make your own life count!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2014): You have unprotected-sex on random occasions. This is how people spread STD's and become HIV infected. Her ex is bisexual, placing him in a higher risk group if he also has unprotected sex. You are playing Russian roulette with your health and your life. Being heterosexual does not mean you are immune to HIV infection! Straight people spread the virus as well as gay people!
Why can't she sleep with the both of you if she pleases?
There is no real commitment. She has children and men come and go in her life. She knows why you come around. In fact, she isn't taking any thing between you seriously. That is evident by the whole story you've given us.
She knows at best you are friends with benefits; because you breakup too easily. If there was anything real about your relationship, it would be more meaningful than a serious of sporadic hookups.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 August 2014):
 You describe it so well yourself, I don't know what you want us to say. You know what sort of relationship this was, you're the one who was in it.
You know why you had sex without condoms, I don't know what meaning you add to this. I don't know if this meant you trust each other, or if you mention it because you are worried about getting an STI? In which case, you should have used condoms, and you should get tested now.
If you don't take your health seriously then that's your own fault. Get tested. Stop sleeping with women without condoms, if you're concerned about your health. Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is.
...............................
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