A
female
age
30-35,
*himboz
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years. There are a lot of amazing moments and sometimes there are those "stupid arguments for no reason" like recently, which led me to this website.Well after i graduated high school, last spring, we thought everything would be fine, and we'd see each other more. and we do.everything, in essence seems great, but i have one major issue, maybe two.First off, i get angry for no reason sometimes. like over little things, and im trying to fix it, it's not that bad, but when we get in these little arguments, i feel like i dont care about his feelings, and i treat it as a debate that i have to win... is there any way i could fix this issue??and secondly, is sexWe've been having sex for like two years.. and only recently do i not want to have it. Sometimes, im not aroused, it hurts, it's uncomfortable-physical things like that.then, like, i dont feel into it when we do have sex, like, im thinking of other things, im not focused, im just not into it...what the heck is wrong with me...?i just feel uneasy, i never initiate it because, well, i dont care enough too... i told him about it, and he's willing to work through it. i just want some help. before i was really interested, but now i dont think about it.. please help, i want our relationship to be strong again.. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (28 November 2010):
 There's obviously some deep rooted insecurtities/issues unresolved in your life that you must deal with now. Try to remember what your childhood was like. Was there any abuse? Was it a religious upbringing you had? Behaviour always surfaces before common sense reasoning. You are displaying certain behaviour which you can't understand. You may have to just have to get in to the mind set of,when you feel the anger coming in to your head, talk yourself out of it. That sounds easier said than done, but i use the 'bite my tongue' excuse before my mouth opens and i say something i know i might regret, and that works for me.
The problems you are having with sex I feel theres some underlying issues you need to address before that can be resolved. Are you scared of getting pregnant or are you scared of the closeness or the trust issues. There's got to be something you are holding back and need to sort out before things will get better.
Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010): your relationship may be in the doldrums.
Your lovemaking, his and yours, may be in the doldrums.
You may now be taking each other for granted and not working on keeping the relationship alive and growing.
But a relationship that stands still may start to die, as change is a fact of life.
You may be acting up and debating him because you are trying to pick a fight, because he bores you, or because you have some unresolved conflicts you are not dealing with.
Your own conflict resultion skills need some series re-tweaking. Your style of dealing with conflict would cause unnecessary tension.
You may no longer feel the same passion as you felt at the start, when you had a
serious crush on him at the outset
If you want this relationship to continue, then you both have some serious work to do.
If you no longer want this relationship then explain why to him, then end the relationship.
...............................
|
