A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy about 8 months ago. When we met we hit it off great. We had three consecutive dates in a row, spending most of the time talking about our life experiences, music, traveling, etc. Our physical chemistry was fantastic - things happened so fast but it was great. He ended up disappearing on me after two weeks of constant contact, after nights meeting up and making dinner, it almost felt like he was my boyfriend. He did things that were over and beyond to help me - he showed interest and that he cared. After he never responded to my text he left me so confused and disappointed. I did my best to move on. There was one time he called me an hung up a month or so after he stopped talking to me. I took it as a misdial and moved on from it. Three months later he contacted me on the dating website where we met to tell me that he wanted to apologize for how things ended. We saw each other and we had an extremely passionate night. He disappeared on me again afterwards. (3 months after) We saw each other recently and spent the whole night talking about real topics, he showed interest in my life, and wanted to catch me up on his. He even showed jealousy when I mentioned I had been dating in the interim. I know that he has not proven to be the greatest of types to date yet I like him. We pick up where we leave off like nothing happened. I can tell that he likes me, he gets happy, flirty, and affectionate, shows interest with certain struggle I am facing currently and gives me advice. The nature of seeing each other was purely sexual yet we are intrigued by each other outside of the bedroom. We left it off as if we were going to see each other soon. I haven't contacted him b/c he said he would contact me. I will always keep my options open and not wait around... But, my question is: Why does he only want these nights of ephemeral intimacy both physical and emotional? How do I make him want to see me more? I can't bring myself to try or push more than I have, but I know I'll carry a torch for him as I go out with other guys.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): Sadly, he is using you and you are letting him. Only more of the same is on the menu unless you call a halt. He is not suddenly going to turn into the perfect boyfriend. He will use you as long as you allow him too.
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 January 2011):
Wow, was the anon poster Steve Harvey? Anyway, read Steve Harvey's books about dating. It's a man's perspective on all their BS.
Sorry, but I have to agree with the other posters, but he's stringing you along. He likes having sex with you and that's about it. Sure, he talks to you and asks about your life probably because even though he's acting like a total a-hole and playing with your emotions, not trying to sound contradicting here but he still views you as a human being and not just some piece of meat he has sex with. He knows you're a person and is probably somewhat interested in your life just like any "friend" but it sounds like he only wants you as a sex friend and not a girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): Show him you have a better disappearing act. He will never be able to find you. Don't you want a decent guy? He's gutter garbage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): Id say this guy is just using you for sex. Otherwise if he wasnt he'd be more persistent with who he is, not play games, and have constant communication with you.. all of which would point to signs he may be possibly seeking a relationship. Another possibility is that he has mixed feelings about you and this in itself is purely annoying cause it illustrates he is immature and unsure of what he wants. You deserve a guy who is direct and clear in his intentions with you, not this confusion. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous39  +, writes (9 January 2011):
First "he's just not that into you"
Second, he ejoys the attention emotionally and physically with you and he knows that he can keep coming back.
Move on and erase his number and don't reply to texts or messages.
You deserve more!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): Been on this site only two days and can see women just don't accept when a guy doesn't like her. SEX isn't love to a man its convenience until he finds better. Disappears means he found better sex. Nowhwer do I see he showed interest.
What men never think: Ephemeral, intimacy, emotional and not WE over some woman giving up the cookie so easily
What men do think: disposable or not.
I'll break that down:
disposable: disappears, doesn't respond, texts when he wants some, no more fancy dates
Not disposable: keeps asking out on fancy dates, works for the cookie, shows her off to friends, doesn't see other women and wants her to be just with him= makes commitment
He didn't hit it off with you he just hit it with you and that's all you will be to him
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