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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello cupids. I ended my last relationship on the 30th of december 2012 and have been single for over a year. It hurts me that non of my relationships always see new year and am also always single on vals day so is going to be this vals day. The thing right now is my ex boy friend of two years who called me a bitch (cos i decided to keep my virginity) and owed me money has been begging me. I did not answer him because I have a 'don"t call me a bitch' rule. I blocked him on all social media but each time I unblock him, he keeps on begging until yesterday he said for how long is he going to beg me to talk to him and my reply was till he pays me my money. He then said he works and that he would come and drop it off at my house (I knew his plan would be to see me) but I said no that I have relocated to another state and he should send it to my account and he was like wow. Do u think I should take the money from him cos right now I am in dire need of money. And what do u think he is looking for from me, closure??? because I am very decent and never had sex with him and his parents and family liked me. I am not even thinking of going back to him but its nt been easy staying single especially when you have been in a relationship. Another problem I have is I stay longer single than in relationships…my longest relationship which was with him lasted seven months. What do you think the problem is???
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Holidays only increase anxiety when people are lonely and single. However; that's unnecessary self-inflicted pain.
You still have family and friends, and you should spend time with the people you "love;" even if you're minus a lover.
I got dumped in April 2013. I'm getting through my recovery and healing from the breakup. I stepped up my fun activities; and spend a lot of time with friends. Always doing stuff that enriches my life. I was out bowling last night, and had a great time with friends. I'm snowbound. Work was closed today. So I'm doing something here that I really enjoy. Helping sweet people like you.
There is nothing wrong with you and dating. Anything of value requires time, work, perseverance; and the patience to obtain, or achieve what we want. If you want to find a suitable mate, you have to be selective and patient. They don't always walk up to you. Your options may seem few, and you may run into a number of disappointments. One big mistake, doesn't make one a failure.
In general, isn't life a series of opportunities that come and go? We reap reward, and have failures. Love is a major part of our lives. The most powerful and important emotion. Yet it will also include pain, disappointment, and sometimes failure. The reward is joy. If there is no joy in being in a relationship, there is no love. Love is not absent just because you don't have a boyfriend. If that's what you need in order to have it, you're in worse shape than you think.
Many people like you and me; who are single this time of year, sit and contemplate how unhappy we feel. Supposedly, because we don't have another person in our lives. We won't get flowers; or a box of candy from the local pharmacy.
That isn't true.
I bought my own dark chocolates. Godivas! It's my passion. I don't wait for V-Day to get it. I avoided the ones that shape like hearts. That's hokey.
You have yourself, your family, your friends, the people who like you at work, the guy who always smiles at you down the hall (or next-door), your friendly neighbors. Your dog or cat.
You are never really alone, you may not have a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You know in honesty, a lifetime isn't likely to pass before you find one. It's just a matter of time.
You're young, and very wise for letting that jerk go. Stick to the "no bitch" rule. That shows strength, you have good self-esteem, and a powerful set of values. Being alone is only a temporary condition. You and I both know that.
Valentine's Day lasts only one day in a whole year. You've got all the time that follows to meet people and date. So that is no indication you're unlovable, or there is anything wrong with you now.
If you have any insecurities or issues about yourself, use the downtime wisely. Fix stuff. Do some self-improvements.
You should be the best you can be, by the time your guy comes along.
A positive outlook is very important for your health, and it keeps a good vibe about you. That means your good-nature and personality show through your attitude. People pick up on it. Guys notice that smile, your upbeat personality, and your independence shows; because you're not needy or desperate.
The problem with most single-people is being on a mission to find a relationship. Like you'll walk up to a stranger, hit it off. BANG!!! You're in a relationship. There has to be some dating in there, to put people through the selection process. To test for compatibility, and to evaluate their character.
Then comes a period of establishing true feelings, and building trust. That could take months. That is, if you're a rational and intelligent person. Needy people fall in-love in minutes. Even with people they've never met, thousands of miles away. That isn't healthy. That is what happens when you become hopeless. You've resigned yourself to believe anything is better than nothing. That's foolish.
You didn't give yourself to the wrong guy. As you found out and handled like a champ. Women 2X and 3X your age, aren't as smart; when it comes to men. You may not think so now; but you will discover it's true in due time.
Stick by your guns. Living out of state limits the option of filing suit in small claims court. It also minimizes the likelihood he will give you back your money. Even if he got to meet up with you, there is no guarantee he is going to give you your money back. It is now a bargaining chip. You may just have to let it go. He doesn't really have it, or he'd give it back with no strings attached.
You're young with a lifetime ahead of you. Love will find you when you stop desperately looking for it. It's evasive and spontaneous. You have to sort through your options; and meet some guys before you feel it anyway. Ease up pressuring yourself to find a man. That's when they start taking notice of you. It's weird like that.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 IF he owes you money then take the money.
Your "don't call me bitch" rule is awesome.
what does he want? he wants sex.... why else would his reaction be "wow" when he found out you moved.
IF you can meet him in public to get your money do that... or have him send a check to your office or a post office box.
Or he can paypal it to you... do not give him your bank info or meet him anywhere private.
as for the made up hallmark holiday... it's a made up holiday to sell chocolate and cards and silly stuffed teddy bears.
we prefer to celebrate the anti-Valentine's day:
http://www.steakandbj.org/
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2014): Give him a chance to give you your money back, but give no one access to your bank account.
can't say what the problem is but I can tell you what's wrong with previous one: He's a jerk. Any guy who doesn't respect your choice to keepyour virginity is no good. Most people lose it very young due to peer pressure or because they think they know what love is (Teenagers don't )
As for your other ones, I can't say. Did you get to know them first? Did you do something wrong?
The problem could be you haven't found a right guy.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (13 February 2014):
 I love being single on valentines day. Its always so funny to see the guys rushing around with cheap looking flowers.
Also women tend to stare at me and stand a bit too close to me in line on that particular day.
Anyway.
If you want the money, then you can see him, but I doubt he will pay you back, he will just try to get back together with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 February 2014):
 First of.. Vals day? I assume you mean Funerary 14th - the commercial holiday to help jewelers and florists make some money between Christmas/New Years and Mother's Day. That is really ALL it is. It's not some galactic Day of Love. So do not feel BAD that you do not have a date for Valentine's Day.
You Ex Bf called you a bitch and you decide to cut him out of your life. Good for you. But he DOES owe you money and IF I were you I would find a day/time and MET up in public, like Starbucks, the Mall,Dairy Queen or whatever place is close to home and GET your money there. DO NOT give him access to your bank account. As soon as you get your money, you can walk out of there and NEVER see/talk to him again. But WHY tell him he owes you money and make a big deal out of it if you don't LET him get a chance to pay if back?
I can't tell you why you aren't dating or haven't met someone special yet. All I can say it, give it time.
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