A
male
age
51-59,
*onym
writes:I split from a girl 14 month ago after 2 years, she was seeing someone else in the same work place and I found out. I caused no trouble said right ok, if that’s your decision/choice, I respect that so good luck with it. Of course I was hurt. Anyway all through the year I tried to be friendly as best I could and even professional at work when I saw her. Never compared myself to him, though he is know for being a player, but she has to find out for herself, I’m sure she thinks she can change him.All through the year she was hot and cold with me, I guess on reflection keeping me as backup if and when needed. An I realise on occasion I may as well have just put my hand up and said “Don’t forget I’m here if you want me!” so I’ve played the game too I see that now.Anyway I decided, I would say to her in a Christmas card, listen, can we put the past behind us and move into the new year forgetting the past and be normal with each other, maybe you will give me a smile.First time I see her get the smile, I think ok great sorted normality !!! Next time, half smile, next time ignored. So I think here we go again, however I decided, I’m playing no more. Given you the chance to be ok, and you haven’t taken it. Next time I see you I won’t let on, say hi or anything, not that I’m being weird but if I do there’s a fair chance you won’t say hi back and I’m actually not arsed now. So I see her in a car park, she eve hovers around trying to get my attention. I drive off don’t even look at her.A week or so later I hear all is not well between her and her man, he even has scratches on his face (tells everyone he fell drunk, no one believes him).I’m in an office talking to some female colleagues, she comes in gives me the dirtiest looks ever, goes to the photocopier bangs it about, then leaves. Everyone looks at me (they know we were an item), she returns moments later, goes to the photocopier, copies and bangs about again giving me dirty looks, though I carry on chatting and do not look at her. The girl I’m talking to remarks, “I was watching her through the reflection and she did not take her eyes off you !!” The other girls comment as she leaves “ What is her problem with you”.I reply “I’ve no idea”.Who can suggest what dynamics are playing out here ? Can we second guess her mindset or objective ? And how should I deal with it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): Agreed with the other Aunts here. How old is this lady? Ignore, ignore, ignore her! Take yourself out of this game with her...asap. She's pissed off at you because you refuse to play, anymore. So what does that say about her? You are a man...not some young lovestruck adolescent male, drooling after her. Look it, dear...she 'left you' to pursue another relationship. So if there's trouble in paradise for her, and she comes running back to you...what are you prepared to do? You have to think about that. I question her character if she could so easily pick up and leave you high and dry, after meeting this other guy. She didn't value you enough back then to resist, did she. I would think the trust and respect it takes to conduct a good, meaningful relationship would be tainted by her uncommendable actions. Get on with life and be more selective in whom you date in the future. This is a life lesson you should be learning from. Now take the time, get out there and find some other nice woman, who actually believes in 'fidelity and is faithful' to you and only you. Accept nothing less than that. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Tuyen +, writes (20 February 2009):
 Hey, I would first like to congratulate you on beng professional at work with her and even although you two split up, you were still there for her. Not many people are like that with their ex'es, so well done for being the better person and not letting that get in the way of anything.To be honest, it seems to me that she regrets messing you around, but is showing that through anger. She is having problems with her boyfriend, so she's maybe on a rebound and is trying to capture your attention again. She regrets messing you around because she knows that you care and would have spoken to her and tried to help her. But because of her immature actions, she has pushed you away and she regrets it.You are doing the right thing by ignoring her, because if you let her into your life again she will only hurt you. It seems like she would play mind games with you and use you, even, to get her boyfriend jealous.You don't deserve that. You gave her a chance to be grown up and put the past behind her, but she kind of threw it back in your face. I say that you should just look forward and get on with your life. You don't need someone like her in it.I hope this has helped. Take care. Tuyen =) x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 She's an attention whore.. You decided to stop playing the game and she didn't. She is now mad that you don't want to keep playing her back-up fiddle. She's had two guys attention the last year and finally you don't give her attetion no more.. It upsets her.
Forget about her, move on with your life.
It's her loss.
Consentrate on you. Your future. She is in the past so please leave her there.
And.. Stop dating people you work with :) But get out there and date again.
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