| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: What is the most common reason for a man losing interest in sex? And how common is that? My husband has no sexual interest in me. Well, I don't think he cares about anybody else, totally no interest in sex.. NOW, is it possible that he just shot down with me, but if he would find somebody else it would come back? He is not able to hold on to an erection, so sex is not possible. Yet he also has no desire, so it is kind of hard to fix it with a pill. What should I do in this situation? I would love to know, if he can get it up with someone else. But it is too risky... So how would I know,if its not just me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): Simply, not being attracted to his partner any longer. Usually because that partner has gained weight in a physical sense or become overbearing in an emotional sense.
That is nearly always the case. It's not about dysfunctions erectile or otherwise!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Well first off is he a smoker or a drinker? Both habits can cause lack of arousal, stress is another one be aware light drinking seems to have benefits also if he drinks light beer it may be too much sodium light beer sacrifices calories but adds a lot of salt to still make it taste good. All of these lead to lack of confidence and basically just giving up. Rather than seeing if another woman will arouse him why not invest in some "dirty" magazines and bring them into the bedroom see if the visual helps him. Also there are herbal remedies that will help, Ginkgo does help some also a problem some men have if they were the "jock" type young in life is they don't produce as much L Argentine as they used to which can also be purchased in nearly any store. One other thing to try be spontaneous and giving he may just need to know you are excited and he will become as well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2010): Why don't you talk to him? He may simply need to feel safe and loved and he may be able to perform. He may have lost confidence in himself and this may not be about you at all.
Do you tell each other than you love one another? Do you kiss daily? Do you cuddle? Do you touch one another when you pass? Hold hands when you walk? Start touching in non-sexual situations and then reheat the bed. When was the last time you crawled into bed butt naked on Saturday afternoon and called him on the cell to come join you?
Try giving him confidence and see what happens...
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A
male
reader, Exeterjohn  +, writes (6 January 2010):
As an older man with plenty of experience, may I add an extra comment?There is a big difference between (a) a man who shows no sexual interest in you at all and (b) a man who does show interest or would like to show interest but who cannot get or maintain an erection.In (a), there is certainly a psychological or emotional problem. It could be that he is so worried about not being able to get an erection that he does not want to try at all and maybe turns away from you. To say that he simply does not fancy any longer is too limited an answer - you need to find out why he does not fancy you any more. The only way to find out is to raise the subject with him in as non-threatening a way as possible. You have to face the fact that he might no longer love you and therefore no longer have sexual feelings towards you. Equally, he might have met someone who does arouse sexual feelings in him but he has not got the courage to tell you. Your interpretation of his behaviour is likely to be wrong unless you raise the subject with him.In (b), where he does show a sexual interest in you but cannot make love fully, it is more likely to be a medical problem. In this case, he might avoid showing any sexual interest in you because he is worried about what medical tests might reveal. If he does not want to start any sexual activity even though you might be making it clear that you do want him sexually, then I suggest a trip to a sympathetic doctor or GUM clinic.Only you can know exactly what the position is so I strongly urge you both to talk about it together.John
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (6 January 2010):
 Could be indicative of other health problems so worth having a general check up. Otherwise, tiredness and stress are major passion killers. You don't mention whether or not you have children but children make everyone tired and there is the possibility that he starts to see you primarily as a mother to the children rather than a lover. Whether or not you have children, many married women make the mistake of treating their husbands as children of giving them orders, of being disappointed with them for not doing their chores ... that kind of lack of respect will kill lust.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (5 January 2010):
The most common reason is stress and or depression.
Find out what's on his mind and help make home a place that is free of work worries.
Cook up some nice meals, dress up nice, ship out the kids to some grandparent / friend / social services (joke!) and give him a really nice hot bath and a back rub. No pressure for sex, just a nice pamper evening.
Get him to talk about his worries and see what comes out.
Good Luck!! xx
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