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female
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*emima
writes: Hi there, my gf and I have just split up after just over a year together. we still love each other very much, have retained the openess, honesty and trust we have built up and still get along very well. the only reason for the break up is that she is not really ready yet and she is not sure if the spark is there or not. I am in love with her and to be fair there was a time when we both thought that we were the one for each other and things have been left open as to whether or not it could potentially work at some point way in the future. We have a very solid relationship with the same moral, values and desires for the future. to all intents and purposes we have what everyone dreams about. However after going around in circles about whether or not she was really ready, we decided that maybe friends would be best. We're both finding it a little hard to adjust at the moment to things and because of commitments we are still meeting up and doing things as we normally would. Do you have any advice as to what may make the transition easier for us both?
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female
reader, jemima +, writes (11 November 2009):
jemima is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry BunnyHumper think you've totally misinterpreted my post or it is meant for someone else - we are not married nor have kids and have remained totally honest and faithful to each other. We know what it takes to be committed to each other but whilst I am ready to give everything, she is not as she has very strong family ties which she is not ready to let go of just yet, in part my greater life experience has made me more independent and able to stand on my own two feet, she on the other hand has never had that so it's a very big leap for her to make and that may take time. We have ended the relationship we are in, but have continued to talk openly and honestly about everything, the difficulty we're both having is how we can keep all the best parts of our relationship going in the friendship without it feeling like we're just in a sexless realtionship. I'm guessing it's probably the feelings that have to change as opposed to circumstance but neither of us has figured it out yet.
A
male
reader, BunnyHumper  +, writes (11 November 2009):
Truth? I don't know that there is! I do believe that maybe the culprit may be that neither of you realize what it takes to keep a relationship leeding to marriage or a marriage together. Both of you have to be totally dedicated to each other and be willing to do anything, Yes,I said Anything it takes to keep your partner happy and keep your relationship together. This meens forsaking all others as well as all else to do so. Realize, nothing else matters. Just your spouse and your children. You must live and be able to live your lifes dedicated to this one common goal. Be able to let each other live their own lives while maintaining this common goal. Put NoOne between you and your spouse. Sex with your spouse and no one else. Though Intercourse is enjoyable, remember that the name Reproduction System means just that. This is a huge part of trust. This keeps your blood line clean as well as eleminates alot of medical problems. If you want yourself as well as your spouse to lose trust, careing, and feelings and the very glue that holds your family together just go outside of your marriage! Don't Do It! Keep only on to your spouse!To make your marriage work you need to set down with her and map out everything in detail what you want and don't want and decide what is to be. What are your goals and what is to be or not to be including allowed and disallowed conduct.Now this includes your wedding vows to each other. Now if you want to put some real teeth in your Marrital contract simply add a small penalty clause in it, say $5,000,000.00 penalty that is to be paid to the other should one or the other file anullment, devorse, harm the other physically or mentally or fail io comply wit or keep ones marriage vows or agreed contract. This means that you must not even say bad words to the other as well as keep your respect for one another.Be sure that you are totally willing and are in complete agreement before tying the knot. I have been with my spouse 27 years now and still are 100% totally dedicated to her as she is to me. I have known her since I was 3 years of age. Do I know her? I would say beter than anyone else that knows her. There are no secrets or lies. We do keep somethings private and between us but that is it. We, even today, keep mutual respect for the others belongings. For instance: She will not go into my billfold and I will not go into her purse. We consider that personal and out of bounds. These small things seem to make a difference. We hav chosen one family member to have access to everything and take care of those things should we both die at the same time or something should happen to us. and that is also something that should be worked out. still got questions? just ask!
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