A
female
age
30-35,
*incky
writes:i want to know the differences between love, lust and atraction between two people. And why is it that so many teenage girls seem to be atracted to the fast boys (boys who move fast to try to get the girl interested in them, and then move fast on to other girls, very quickly)as a preference and want to be with boys like that, more than other boys who do not behave like fast boys? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Apologies OP, I don't know why but I wrote you a male answer, I must have been tired or something because I missed that you're actually female.Most of what I said still applies, and pretty much all of it does if your preference is for women.Sorry about that.
A
female
reader, FaddedDay  +, writes (19 April 2011):
 I think love, lust and attraction have been pretty well defined by the last two people, but I would like to add in my own breakdown nonetheless. All of the emotions listed above are often mistaken for love, so why not divide love into three categories:1. Physical love: this is essentially lust, when you cannot get enough of the physical presence of the person in question. Physical love is quite short, and is easy to brush off afterwards, provided, of course, that you had the sense to see it for what it was. 2. Loving intellectually: This is when you love with your mind, also known as attraction. You take pleasure in the person's personality, and you find their physical appearance appealing. There is no wild splurge of emotion, it is a cool, mild, yet somewhat satisfying flow of rational thought. These relationships eventually break off into friendship. 3. Loving with the heart alone: loving with the heart alone is what many mistake for actual love. The heart itself can be quite foolish at times, and can turn your emotions towards the person in question into an obsession. Loving only with your heart is usually something akin to a schoolgirl's crush, when you do not fully understand the implications of your romantic fantasies. I believe that this kind of mistaken relationship is the most painful, because it is the most emotional, as well as the one where it is most common to leave with broken dreams, and dissapointment. Real love, is a combination of the above three factors. When you drink in the physical presence of the person like it is sweet wine, yet are content to just cuddle once in a while, because that satisfies the need for him/her as well. When you see the person's flaws, yet revel in the more endearing aspects of their personalities. And of course, your heart is in it too, and it beats just a tad bit faster everytime you're near him/her. Teenage girls are more prone to number one and three, and for this, they need someone equally (pardon me if I offend anyone) shallow. "Bad boys" provide them with thrill and drama, which is what most girls look for at that age, having had their minds filled with stories of prices and princesses, as well as having seen stupidly sappy movies such as twilight. Girls that age are more concentrated on their bodies, and boys. Hormones at play. You can't really blame them for following their instincts. If you happen to not like fast boys, then CONGRADULATIONS. There is nothing wrong with you, you just managed to grow a brain earlier than most. There are some teenage boys that have also, and they're being stomped on by the fast boys. Look around, there are actually decent guys to choose from, they just getignored in favor of those who cause more drama.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2011): Bad boys are exciting and women, especially younger ones (no matter how much they say otherwise) absolutely love drama, they need it, they feed off of it and without it they get bored. If you don't believe me then turn on any show aimed at a female audience, watch any romance movie, read any book aimed at women, open up a woman's magazine or listen to the things they like to talk about. It's all about the drama especially in young women. The women that truly can't stand drama still have experienced it and have at some point fallen for the allure that a bad boy represents.
The above is a massive generalization and not entirely true, and definitely not true of all women. But no woman can deny that it's the prevailing attitude amongst the majority.
From a guys perspective and a guy that used to be like that, it's simple. We're the guys that make the moves, we're the guys who go for it and always try it on without thinking twice about it. Women love guys who aren't afraid to take what they want, guys with the courage to go for it even if we seemingly don't stand a chance, there's just something about a guy who pursues a girl with supreme confidence and a brash arrogance that women just can't resist. They want know why and how they get some of that. I can honestly say the women I treated like dirt were the ones that fell for me the quickest, tried the hardest to please me, fought the hardest to keep me and sacrificed the most just to be with me. Strange the way that works, especially seeing as women complain a lot about there being no "nice" guys around.
Plus the idea of taming that kind of beast is every girls dream. Seriously watch any romance movie and you'll see the lead male is usually an absolute bastard, who gets into fights and has all sorts of emotional issues, to everyone except the lead female, even then they usually completely screw over that woman, literally cheat on her, kill her father or other such deal breaker but then they overcome that together and she manages to tame his dark side with love. That's seen as romantic, for a woman to get completely screwed over by a man only for her love to conquer all and they live happily ever after. The majority of questions on this site are by women that put the concept of love over their own happiness in the futile hope that love will change their bastard of partner into a lovely guy, if they just wait and hope. All of the above applies to guys too but not to the same extent.
At the end of the day if you're asking this question wondering why you can't get women and why assholes can then you just have to learn some of their tricks. The most important thing is to always be yourself and no matter what always treat women right but be an alpha male, be the one who dominates, be the one who will go for it with supreme confidence, be the guy that will go over to a girl without ever thinking of failure, be the guy that understands in all circumstances that 'no' rarely means 'no', it means try harder or change your tactics, most women say 'no' but just want you to keep trying (up to a point of course) never be forceful in anything and if they say 'no' a second time back off and don't try again, respect a girls wishes if she really does mean 'no'. You'll figure that out for yourself but don't give up on a girl easily or they'll think you're not interested or enough of a man to even consider dating.
As for "It's silly behaviour and you should only date a bad boy if you are prepared to use him back and never actually give him your heart u." don't worry about that, it's the girls that think they can do this are the ones who get hurt the most when they realize you can't play a player, you can only play someone who cares about you,you can only use a person who really likes you, so the guys they use are the guys that genuinely liked them and the bad boys just don't care and it's usually the girl who ends up getting feelings.
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