A
male
age
36-40,
*z2830
writes:I have not had sex in well over 4 years now. I'm only 25 years old and really feel terrible about this and angry that my love life has turned out to be so non-existent. I haven't even dated somebody more than a few weeks during any of that time either. Since getting out of college, it has become increasingly difficult to become close to any nice girls. And when I do, the girl always end up being attracted to another guy better and we end up parting. I'm just devastated when I see even younger people having so much more luck than I with girls. And this problem is not that I'm bad looking or have a bad background or anything like that. I'm 6' tall weigh 150lbs, have nice skin. I'm in grad school, have a job, own my own car, and my own house. I have two wonderful parents, had an excellent childhood in a well-off community. I'm shy and not good at making a move on a girl. I'm becoming increasingly fearful that I will never be in a relationship or have sex again. And people around me are not helping either. And whereas some people have parents trying to but into their love lives and make sure they're happy my parents have done nothing to help me at all. And that makes me upset because when my little sister broke up with her boyfriend of three years, she got a book. I get nothing. No help, no satisfaction and the loneliness of going to an empty house and empty bed every night.So, my question is... What is the best way to find a healthy sexual relationship with an attractive female? How do I get out of this area of nothing in my life? When will this all be over?
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broke up, move on, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Learner.uk  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Hi, to meet people you are def going to have to get out to sociable places to meet people even if it is once a week, at least you will be doing something, get involved in some sort of social event, hobby etc there is bound to be something to do...you can send out the wrong message by not being positive. Get it into your head that you are a nice person, your happy, be positive, keep yourself tidy and smart so you look at yourself you will feel confident, i have been there years ago and a mate gave me that advice and ive stuck too it. Dont worry about v-plates no rush, hope this helps, have fun. All the best
A
male
reader, dz2830 +, writes (16 January 2011):
dz2830 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so all of your answers! I'm delighted with the thoughtful answers I've received thus far.
I've noticed that one of the main themes in your answers revolves around overcoming shyness and going out more with friends... This leads me the my next question. Where does somebody even meet friends? Or girls?
I live in the suburbs and not in a college town anymore. The only time I was ever really good at making friends was when I lived with people in the dormitories at school. I don't have much in the way of friends besides a guy that's in exactly the same place, if not worse(he's a 25y.o. virgin), as me. We're like the blind leading the blind when we go out.
And I realize it sounds contradictory, but, it is possible to like the way you look yet still have really low self-esteem/poor self image. I have no confidence at all when it comes to talking to girls and am completely lost when it comes to figuring out which ones are available or interested or anything. I'm literally the poor guy that doesn't have a clue. Girls at work always tell me what a nice guy I am and how I'll make some girl very happy and all that stuff.
I feel like I'm going out of my mind trying to wrap my head around my "single" problem. In my life there have been very few problems I have been unable to solve. This won't go away with me working hard at school or work, and unfortunately you can't throw money at it to make it go away. Maybe since my life looks so "together" people assume I'm fine, but, inside I feel so empty and alone.
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A
male
reader, Learner.uk +, writes (16 January 2011):
Hi, first of all you have alot going for you with your job,car,family etc so be positive about that. Now i use to be shy years ago and all i needed to do was have abit more belief in myself, and thats what you need! You said your good looking? Get your self out socalising with your friends, maybe do a new hobby to meet people. I did this when i was in a rut after college and it was the best thing, i went for something totaly against what i would have normaly done and that was salsa dancing! Now the point to this was i met some great single girls who are now great friends of mine. Have a think and believe in yourself. All the best.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Ok first off you need to work on your shyness because this is probable preventing you from talking to girls and getting to know them. So you need to work on getting more self confidence. You obviously have a weak self image so you need to improve on this. Never try and change yourself to fit in with other people. Just ask yourself who you are, pick out your strong points and work on those. Just remember you are a guy that is willing to treat a girl good so instead of having low self esteem tell yourself that any girl would be lucky to have you and go out with friends and talk to girls. You need to learn to like yourself and what you have to offer. Talking to a girl might seem like a huge task but maybe practise in front of a mirror and be prepared for if you do meet a girl out that you like the look of.
Most girls always expect to be appraoched by the guy therefore this is probably the reason your love life has went down hill if you are shy. Just take it in small steps from saying hello to girls to making small talk. Once you feel good about yourself you will start to talk more and be more open.
As for your parents not helping you out any am sure they just think you are happy the way you are and dont want to interfere. Dont take this as they care for your sister more. Am sure its just the fact that they felt your sister needed the help and that you were ok. Maybe you have never shown them how you feel.
So yes start going out more nights with friends and meeting new girls. You can do it dont doubt that you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): If you don't start buffing up, it will take a lot longer for you to find a girlfriend. Every girl I know likes guys who can make the first move, since girls (especially as they get older) tend to have low self esteem, even if they are gorgeous. You need to try to find friendship before you can find a sexual relationship. Start talking to women, just try to be friends with them. Talk a little, ask them about things you might think are pointless, like what their favorite show is, why it is, etc. Girls like to ramble on about themselves since they're usually busy listening to their friends' problems, likes and dislikes.
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