A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have "looked after" R since he left an unhappy home when he was 16. He is now nearly 38 and we have known that he is gay sice he was 20. He has been in several "relationships" all of which have failed to be sustainable. He is an entertainer/singer and recently he has met and fallen in love with a young man from Poland, a ballet dancer who is very talented, who has either given him a sob story of how hard his life is in Poland, or he could be genuine. He is not gay (he says) but just has sex with whoever he meets (male or female) he smokes majurhana, and sells his belongings to buy it. R has given him lots of money to help him get out of the routine as he says he wants to change. R cares deeply for this 19 year old and is tormenting himself now as the distance means only phone calls are the contact, he feels that there is nothing from the Polish man and now feels that he has been "used" however he is really really upset as he says he worries about this person very much. He has now told him that he will not phone him any more but has left a door open to say that if ever he manages to get to UK he will help him with auditions, but he has stated that his own money is running out and he can not give financial help. R. is now in pieces, crying and getting upset because he says he worries about the boy so much. I have several "gay" friends and have never had to deal with a similar problem, but Richard keeps turning to me for advice, what should I tell him?
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female
reader, angel of love  +, writes (26 March 2007):
 you should tell him that he needs to move on with his life...he doesn't deserve a guy like that...its good to care about that person but do it as a friend... i myself have a bestfriend forever...and he is also gay...he had rough relationships and i told him to cry a river and tell me his problems and i was the bridge that helped over it...
A
female
reader, Doctor Elizabeth  +, writes (25 March 2007):
 Hi,
I'm very sorry that "R" is having such a problem and that your family is being impacted by it in this way. It is very caring and good of you to try to find ways of helping him.
Unfortunately, the problem you describe is becoming more and more common these days. People are always looking for love, and when we wear our hearts on our sleeves (which R probably has been if he's had some failed relationships), sometimes predators (and I'm making an assumption about the Polish dancer that may not be true, so forgive me if I'm wrong), in any case, this guy may well be a predator who is simply using "R" for money and such. I hope I'm wrong about "R's" friend, but if I'm right, R needs someone who loves him to gently show him that he may be under a misassumption about this lad in Poland.
All you can do is show him love, hold his hand, and try to tell him what you suspect may be true about his friend (if that's what you think).
Dr. Liz
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